Flagrant Fragrant by Heron Djenne Canvasback

Gas Giants (comedy-mystery)

Gary went to school as usual that morning; it was first block, and everyone was still half asleep. Jamie was slobbering all over her binder, book, and desk, and a fly flew in Mark's nose, making him sneeze himself awake.

The words on the projector were hazy to Gary, because he had stepped on his glasses last night, the projector was lopsided, and he only had one eye open. Then, the whole atmosphere of the room had changed; someone had done a clear-the-room-fart.

"Okay, who did that?" the teacher demanded.

No one answered.

The teacher put his/her hands on his/her hips. "No one leaves here until the culprit confesses!"

Everyone complained about suffocating, and how this was child abuse.

Ned pulled his hat over his nose.

"No hats!" The teacher pointed at Ned.

"I have asthma." Katie pulled her shirt up to cover her nose. "It could kill me."

"Well you best hope that one of your classmates will take that into account." The teacher said.

Bret started coughing and scratching himself really badly. "I think the culprit ate something I'm allergic to."

"Bret, you're allergic to everything!" The teacher exclaimed. "Little children, the only thing I want to hear is a confession!"

"We're in high school; we're young adults," Freddie said.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Sue said.

"No snide remarks." The teacher said. "Sue, you can hold it!"

"Can we text or listen to our iPods?" Kim asked.

"What do you think?" the teacher said.

Kim snarled through her braces.

"Can I go to my locker?" Perry asked.

"That's it; I'm working you brats until one of you blabs," The teacher said.

"Are we allowed to leave at lunch, or the end of the block?" Luke asked.

"I have a doctor's appointment," Brooke checked her cellphone.. "My grandma is picking me up."

"She can't until I dismiss you." He teacher crossed his/her arms. "You can reschedule."

"But you said no cell phones," Brooke snitched.

"No classroom disruptions!" the teacher said. "One of you little monsters just need to tell the truth already!"

"I babysit the principal's dog." Erin bragged. "You're getting fired for kidnapping."

"Correction: he's holding us hostage." Greg pulled a crossword puzzles book out of his backpack. "That's different."

Ransom sprayed cheap cologne from his gym bag.

"That's not helping!" Katie teared up.

With a horrible instant recognition, Gary suddenly realized who had done it: the teacher. "Do you have something else to share with the class, besides your digested breakfast?" Gary stood up. "Is this a biology lesson, teach?"

"Anatomy!" Greg huffed.

"He did it!" the teacher said pointing to Gary, while consequently letting another one rip; everyone charged out of the classroom.

"All of you have detention and silent lunch!" The teacher screamed after his/her fleeing class. "Why do you listen to Gary but not me?"