//Aaaaah babey boiiii 🥺🥺🥺
Suggestion from @SleepDeprivedSensei
TRIGGER WARNING- SELF HARM
God, what was he going to do. Hizashi had so much work to do and so much going on at once, everything was getting to his head. It was all so stressful and making him so anxious, he felt like he was deteriorating. Like he was falling apart, and he all in all didn't know how to cope with it. I think that's something that became very obvious when he chose the completely wrong coping method. He knew it wasn't good for him, what he was doing. But he was at the point where he didn't care because it made him feel better.
"Do what makes you happy, right?" The main issue with his chosen method was hiding it.
How do you hide something like that..? Cuts on your arms. I mean, sure, he could wear long sleeves. But during breaks and before/after school he didn't wear his long sleeved jacket. He doesn't like over heating. Wearing it when he usually doesn't would only make people suspicious...right-? He was probably overthinking it, it was worth a shot anyways. So that's what he did. When it came to showing up at UA the next morning with cuts all up his arms he covered it up with his jacket. He wasn't gonna let anyone know what he did or how he was feeling. All it would take is a little over heating and keeping up his happy go lucky Present Mic persona. That's all it takes.
Well, at least he thought it would work.
And it did. Mostly.
But who was he to think he could ever hide something like this from Shota.
God, how stupid could he be? To think that no one would find out. That's practically impossible when you have Shota as a best friend. Someone who notices the smallest of details. Like the winces of pain when someone bumps into him, or how the colour would drain from his face when someone would ask if he's ok. All the littlest details no one would notice if they weren't Shota. Shota hadn't even confronted him about it yet. But Hizashi knew that he knew. He could tell. The side wards concerned glances, the cautiousness when being close to his arms. He'd failed at hiding what he did and he knew it.
When the end of the day swung by, he wanted to get home as quick as he could. He loved talking to Shota but this was one of those days where he wanted to avoid it. He didn't want to try talk about how he felt. He didn't want to try talk about what he did to hurt himself. He didn't want to try talk about how he coped.
He didn't want to try. He didn't want to at all. But before he could reach his house, he was stopped. He was so close. Only half a street away. Only to be caught. Dammit.
"Hey Zashi-?" Fuck. He dreaded hearing that. He knew he knew and he knew he was going to say something about it.
"Can..I stay with you tonight..?" ...or..not..? That's not what he expected to hear. And whole it'd make things harder for him, he wasn't one to turn his friend down. So he nodded.
"Yeah, totally of course yo!" He put up his biggest smile. There was no point, but he was still gonna pretend. Shota gave a small smile.
"Great, I've got some stuff to talk to you about."
Aw shit.
Upon the two of them arriving at Hizashi's house and sitting on their couch, the mood lowered a bit.
"Hey..um...."
Fuck. Fuckity fuck. He was going to ask him about it. He knew it.
".......you know you mean a lot to me, right..?" Oh. Oh? That's not what he anticipated.
"Like...a lot a lot...and I really want you to be able to have happiness like you deserve.."
What's he rambling about?
"...and...I know you probably don't wanna talk about it..but I know you did something to hurt yourself..and I really need to know why. Please. I wanna help you."
There it is. Hizashi wasn't entirely sure what to say. So he just broke into sobs. Shota was slightly surprised to say the least, but he leant forward and carefully hugged his friend, gently rubbing his back for comfort. They sat in silence for a while, Hizashi finding calmness and safety in Shota's embrace. When he was finally okay with talking, he explained. He explained the stress, he explained the anxiety, he explained the worry, the fear, the undeniable lack of understanding on how to healthily cope. He explained how horrible he felt. How he felt like he was deteriorating under the pressure. And through all of it, Shota listened and comforted. Giving reassurance and explaining what he'd do to help. But most of all, he explained and insisted on how much he was always going to love and appreciate Hizashi, and that if he was every feeling this way again that he'd always be there to help.
Needless to say, Hizashi didn't feel so horrible anymore.
//Heyyyy- just so you guys know, if any of you are every feeling depressed or suicidal or stressed out or any negative feeling, I'm totally here to vent to anytime! The best way to contact me is on Instagram @RainbowSpinch . If it gets really bad, please call a suicide/mental health hotline. You all mean the absolute world to someone and are not alone, and please remember that! I love you all so much! 💖💘💘💝💓💘💕💓💓
