The Pastor's Son

Awful and Missed Chances

Jayden wakes up the next morning and feels awful. His head hurts, his face looks red from all the crying he's been doing lately, and he has dark bags under his eyes. As he showers and gets ready, he thinks about some of the stuff that's been on his mind. 

'What's my sexuality? Ever since I had that talk with Noah, I can't help but wonder. I mean, am I bisexual or pansexual?' Jayden struggles to figure it out. He understands the difference between them, he just doesn't know which one fits him. "Ugh!" He lets out a complaint. 

He climbs out of the shower, already in a bad mood. Jayden pulls on a pair of light blue ripped jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a navy blue and black flannel. He brushes his hair, and doesn't care how messy it looks after he's done. He pulls on a grey beanie. When he jogs back to his room, he stuffs things into his backpack, but before he does, he pulls out his blue hoodie that Isaiah gave back to him. 

Even the hoodie brings him to tears. He throws it across the room, and then continues to put stuff in his backpack, through his vision blurred by tears.

Jayden jogs down the stairs, trying to hide his face from his mom. But Carly notices as he is about to walk out the door. "Jayden, turn around."

"Why? I've got to go to school, mom," He defends himself, but she walks over to him and turns him around herself. 

It is one of the most heartbreaking things she has ever seen. Her child is standing there, tears running down his face. "Sweetheart! Why are you crying?" 

Jayden frowns, "I promise that I'll tell you and dad soon," He mumbles, "Okay?"

"Okay, honey," Carly replies. She doesn't want him to go to school like this, but he won't change his mind. There's a reason he wants to go, or feels he has to. She hugs him, holding back her own tears. He hugs her back and allows her to kiss him on the forehead before he leaves. When he leaves, she returns to the table and cries. 

Watching her son, who she still sees as her baby boy, cry, is heartbreaking. It truly is. 

Jayden drives to school after wiping away his tears. 

................................................................................................................................................................

Jayden arrives at his locker. Many people have looked at him and whispered about how tired he looks. About how he looks like he has cried. Jayden opens his locker, in an even worse mood than he was in after his shower.  

What really ticks him off is a teacher who walks over to him and taps his shoulder. It's his math teacher, Mr. Rights. "Jayden? Could you please take off your hat?" Jayden frowns, but doesn't argue, because he doesn't feel like getting detention today. He obliges, hesitantly, and throws his hat into his locker. Mr. Rights nods, then takes a look at his student. "Are you okay, son? You look sick. Maybe you should go to the nurse."

Jayden shakes his head, he can't go home. He has to protect Isaiah and make sure that kids don't bully him. "I'm fine. Just tired, that's all."

"You sure?" Mr. Rights ask again. 

"Yes!" Jayden repeats, louder. Mr. Rights looks bewildered. Jayden didn't mean to raise his voice. "Yes. I'm fine, Mr. Rights."

Mr. Rights frowns, but walks away. Students look at Jayden, some with dirty looks because Mr. Rights is a pretty chill teacher, and some look at Jayden like he's crazy. Maybe they're right to look at him that way, maybe he is crazy. 

Jayden slams his locker. He feels their eyes all over them. But suddenly, it doesn't matter. Because, Isaiah is sitting against his locker on the opposite wall of Jayden, earbuds in. Kids are mumbling about him, trying to get him mad by making comments, yelling his name, anything just to upset him. 

Jayden walks over, trying his best not to tremble. People around Isaiah back off, aware of what measures he'll go to. Isaiah looks up, noticing that all of the name-calling and the insults have stopped. He spots Jayden walking toward him and looks away. 

It breaks Jayden's heart. The love of his life can't even look him in the eyes. 

Isaiah pulls out his earbuds and stuffs them in the hoodie he's wearing. Jayden can't help but think that Isaiah looks cute wearing baggier clothing. Jayden stands in front of him for a second, and holds out his hand. He hesitates, but Isaiah gives in and takes Jayden's hand. They look at each other for a long moment, waiting for one another to say something, anything. But they're both speechless, too scared to say how they feel, how they've been. 

Until, "How have you been?" Jayden mumbles. He came over to Isaiah in the first place. It's only fair that he says something.

"Okay, what about you?" Isaiah replies, barely audible. But Jayden hears him. His voice is all that Jayden has been waiting for. 

"Good," He says, loud. It startles Isaiah, and Jayden wishes that he can take it back. "Good," He repeats, quieter.

"Can-?" Noah, Sam, and Leah interrupt Isaiah before he can finish. 

"Hey, Jayden! Hey Isaiah!" Noah hollers, his hand intertwined with Sam's. Leah walks beside them, seeming slightly cheerful. Isaiah looks away nervously, unprepared to talk to them. 

Sam gives an encouraging smile, "It's been a while, eh, Isaiah?" 

Isaiah looks away, "I've got to go," He mumbles. Isaiah rushes off, and just like that, Jayden's chance of talking to him has slipped away.