The Pastor's Son

Not Eating and Cutting

Thursday doesn't start too badly. Both boys feel happy, knowing that they're at least friends. Sure, Isaiah does argue with his dad about yesterday and all the mistakes he made. But, that's normal in the Harden household.

"Isaiah, I don't get why you had to get in that fight! What did you do to even start it?" Matthew demands, blaming the whole situation on Isaiah.

Isaiah is tired of Matthew and his constant yelling, "Well, he came up to me wondering where the cuts and marks you gave me, came from!"

Matthew frowns, and wants to hit his son, but he's learned. Hitting Isaiah in the morning leads to greater problems. "Just sit down and eat," Matthew growls.

"Oh, wow! Finally, you let me eat," Isaiah snarls. Matthew drags him to the table and forces him to sit down.

Isaiah eats the food, with little interest. The food is good, but sitting at a table across from his dad isn't. After a couple of bites, he stands up. "I'm done."

Beatrice pouts, "Sweetheart, you haven't been eating much. You're losing weight, it's concerning."

Isaiah sighs. He's holding back his statement that his dad is the reason he hasn't gotten to eat. "I'm not hungry, mom. I'm fine. Joanna and I should be going to school anyway."

Joanna finishes her breakfast and follows Isaiah over to the front door.

When they climb into his car, she asks, "Isaiah, what's gotten into you? I mean, I know this whole Jayden situation has been hard on you, but aren't you two doing good, right now?"

Isaiah doesn't reply for a moment. He starts the car and driving before responding. "I'm tired of dad, Joanna. He doesn't love me like he loves you and mom."

Joanna disagrees immediately, "He loves no one but himself, Isaiah! Sure, you get the worst of it. And yeah, he never lays a hand on mom or I. But in no way does that mean that he loves us!" She shouts at him, furious about everything. 

He frowns, and simply goes quiet. But she looks over a minute or two later. "Isaiah...I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell at you. It's just," She tries to finish the sentence, but she struggles to do so.

"You're right. He doesn't love anyone. He just takes out his anger on me."

She smiles, only slightly. He gives a similar expression back. "So, what about eating? You've barely touched food in days," She mumbles. 

"Like I told mom, I'm not hungry lately. I'm fine," He mumbles.

"You're not fine! You're sad, you're hurting. You cry every single night. You have scars all over your body, and I know for a fact that dad didn't cause all of those," Joanna pauses looking at the floor of the car, barely speaking the next words. "Why are you cutting your wrist?"

Isaiah doesn't know what to say. She's right, he didn't think that she would notice. With all of the cuts on his body already, who would notice a few more? Joanna, that's who. "I..."

She looks at him, her eyes intense. "There's a reason, Isaiah. There's no good one, though. I know dad is always on your case, I know that you're gay and trying to hide it, I know that you're crying, I know that Jayden is tearing you apart by accident, and I know that you're being beaten every day. But none of that defines your worth. None of it does. You have potential but you're letting others take it away from you!"

Isaiah doesn't reply. "Isaiah, please! Just tell me!"

"It doesn't matter anyway. None of this matters. I don't matter. Stop acting like I do," He's not harsh when he speaks, he's just broken. He parks the car and gets out before she can form a response.

Joanna chases her brother into the school. People watch with interest. "Isaiah, stop saying that," She mumbles, trying not to draw attention.

Isaiah shrugs her off, not wanting to upset her, but not wanting to tell her the truth either. He walks over to his locker and she reaches for his sleeve. Pulling it up before he can stop her. She looks at her brother's wrists. The cuts, the lines. People see, and she realizes it. She drew too much attention to it. And now people saw her brother's wrists.

They're mumbling, like they always do. Isaiah gives her a sad look. "I-I didn't mean to..." But he slips away from her. She screwed up. He's probably starting to cry now.

Joanna stands there, terrified of everything. Scared of what she did, of her classmates, and scared of her dad. She's scared of this whole world.

................................................................................................................................................................

Jayden walks through the front door of the school. Leah, Sam, and Noah run over to him as soon as he walks inside.

"We've got a problem," Sam remarks.

"Don't we always?" Jayden tries to joke, but stops, noticing the fear present on all of their faces.

Leah frowns, "It's Isaiah. Rumors are spreading, claiming that people saw marks on Isaiah's wrists," She pauses, visibly upset. "They think he's cutting, Jayden."

The last sentence she speaks practically takes the air out of his lungs. 'Isaiah...cutting his wrists. Why? I've got to find him,' Jayden runs past them. They call out his name, but he's got bigger problems.