Can love be found

Chapter One

It was a cool evening when Jessica walked out onto the porch slamming the screen door behind her.  She had wished she hadn’t said those things to Tony but somehow she just didn’t trust him anymore.  It seemed like lately all he did was lie to her.  She never could get a straight answer out of him.  They had only lived together for about four months, but she was beginning to regret the idea.  She had met Tony at a local bar and thought it was true love.  They had dated for a couple months and then decided he should move in with her.  She had thought he was the most romantic guy.  He would send her flowers every day at work.  Whenever they went out it was a different place, a walk in the park, a horse and buggy ride through the city, or candlelit dinner by the lake.  It was never the same thing, but it all changed when he moved in together.  Every night he would come home later and later from work.   Then there was the constant yelling.  Nothing was clean enough and they never went out anymore.  When she would mention it he would just grunt and ignore the question.  Later she would find notes in his pockets, once she even found lipstick on his collar and it wasn’t even a shade she would wear.  At first she thought, maybe she was to blame for his attitude.  She tried to clean harder, make his favorite meals and even tried to dress up for him, but it never worked.  The more she thought about it the more she cried. “Why am I crying over this man? He doesn’t deserve it but, I love him so much it hurts.  Why do I love him?”
She was out on the porch for a while before he came out and sat next to her on the porch swing.
“I'm sorry.” he said after a few minutes of silence.
“That's not going to work this time Tony.”
“I love you, Jess.  Please don’t do this.”
“I’m tired of the crap.  I’m just tired of the way you have been treating me lately.  I deserve better.  I know you are cheating on me.  I just didn’t want to believe it.”
“I can change, just give me one more chance.”
“I don’t think I can.” I get up and head to bed.  Tony spent the night on the couch and the next morning nothing was said as we got ready for work.  Tony left before I was out of the shower and I was left to eat breakfast alone.  I didn't have much to say to my coworkers as I headed into work, and kept to myself.  The next few weeks went somewhat the same as it became our new normal.  We didn't talk to each other and Tony spent the nights in one of the spare rooms, until one day she came home and he was gone.  All that was left was a note on her pillow.  He told her that he was sorry and shouldn’t have let things go on as long as he did.  He had fallen out of love with her and would move out.  He wanted her to be happy and find someone who loved her more than he ever did.  She sat down on the bed and began to cry.  She didn’t know if she was glad it was over or if the feeling she had was her heart being ripped out.  It actually was both.  That night Jessica didn’t sleep well.  She had gotten used to Tony next to her and curling up with him every night.  It was early morning when she finally got to sleep.  Morning came way too early for the troubled girl.  She slowly drup herself out of the bed and into the bathroom to get ready for work.  Everything that was done was done without feeling.  She was numb to the world.  She checked the temperature of the water as she undressed and found a towel to dry off with.  She stepped into the shower and let the warm water run through her hair letting it soak, standing quietly a little longer not thinking of anything, but just thinking. She ached from the very bottom of her soul to the very tips of her fingers. It was an ache that a part of you is missing, stolen by some unseen force, never to be returned, and never to be found no matter how hard or how long you searched.  After a while she climbed out of the shower and dried off.  She went through her closet and found something to wear.  She then went into the kitchen to find something for breakfast.  She stood there for the longest time looking for something and nothing appealed to her. Realizing that she really wasn’t hungry, she poured herself some coffee and headed to work.