Pieces of Me

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Logan

My eyes flicker open, registering the sunlight. I groan and roll over, grappling for a glass of water which I find is not there. The ache behind my eyes is intense. Slowly my eyes begin to focus, and I notice a singular black shoe next to my head. As I sit up, the pounding in my head increases further. When I close my eyes again, I immediately see Ally's face. The fear and hurt in her eyes is even more painful than my blinding headache.

I fucked up. I know it.

I wanted to text her as soon as she left with Madalynn, take it all back and apologise but I couldn't. I couldn't bear the thought of her ignoring me, or not accepting my apology.

It's been hours – 26 to be exact, since we last spoke. Twenty-six hours since I told her to go and she did.  God, it was never this hard with Bridget. I always knew Bridget thought she was too good for me, but with Ally, I know she is. It's like I've just been waiting for her to figure it out.

How is it that I can fuck up the bad relationships and the good? Suddenly a horrifically loud ring fills the air. Slowly, I throw a leg over the bed. Grabbing my crunched up jeans off the floor, I root around in the pockets for my phone. The alarm alerts me to the fact I'm supposed to be viewing a unit to lease in less than an hour.

"Fuuuuuck."

I'd forgotten I'd set this up.

As much as I like living with Andrew, I want to get a place closer to the shed so I can get more work done, not only on my own car but also on other peoples. More and more I've been thinking that I want to make the shed into a legitimate business.

However, I would be lying if I said that Ally hasn't played a minor role in me speeding up the process. I've had multiple fantasies... her there when I get home from work....waking up to her almost daily....her in the shower with me. Her wet, warm body against mine. Her moan as I suck on the almost translucent skin above her collarbone, just hard enough to leave a mark for Kieran - and everyone else, to see. Right now, she is too shy to shower with me while Andrew is down the hall.

Without knowing that particular reason, a week ago she had promised she'd help me find a rental. The next day she had turned up on my doorstep holding a colour coordinated folder with post-its detailing the positives and negatives of each place. I had mocked her endlessly, and then tickled her until she'd screamed. Erasing the frown from her face.
Then we had huddled together on the bed, side by side. Our chests against the mattress propped up by elbows. We'd looked through pages and pages of crappy units. Her long legs would hit mine whenever she laughed and I liked even that smallest bit of contact. Finally, I gave up with the self-restraint, and I'd flipped her beneath me. Her gasps filled the air as my hands massaged her thighs, my thumbs pushing into her tissue while my fingers caressed her soft skin. Her summery dress, the one I like with daisies, lifted higher up her tan thighs. I once again found myself wondering how I'd gotten so lucky.

Looking at my phone I notice there's no messages. No missed calls. Here I am thinking about her when she probably has not given me a second thought. 

Once I'm showered, dressed and have chugged a litre of water, I'm beginning to feel semi-human and able to drive. Originally Ally had promised me she would come today check out the unit. We had planned to meet at a café we'd stumbled across the week before. It was situated perfectly – halfway between her place and mine. Ally had instantly loved it, jabbering on about its "cute aesthetic" and strong coffee. To me it was another café, except it had plants hanging from the ceiling. But she'd liked it, and that's why I'd suggested it.
As I turn the corner now, the café comes into view and my stomach begins to feel queasy again. To say I'm surprised to see her waiting at the there is an understatement. The drive-by had been on a whim really. But there she is, waiting for me.

She's sitting at a table outside, reading a book so intently that she doesn't notice me until I've pulled up, gotten out of the car and am standing right in front of her.

"You're here..." my voice catches at the end.

She jumps a little. When she realises it's me her face closes off, and a wariness fills her features. I can't help but think she's already regretting coming. Maybe I shouldn't have done a drive by? Maybe it would have been better for the both of us...

"I promised didn't I?" her tone is clipped but her eyes soften ever so slightly. She stands up, grabbing her purse and walks into the café.

Once inside I all but lunge at the EFTPOS machine to make sure I'm able to pay for her coffee, ignoring her "I've got it" and the somewhat frightening the girl behind the counter. Both females raise their eyebrows at me.

We exit the café together, her walking one-step ahead of me. Out of sync. I watch as her flowy dress flutters against her legs. It lifts up slightly in the wind, revealing more of her skin. Normally I'd enjoy this but the silence is setting me on edge.

I need to find a way to tell her why I blew up like I did. But I don't know how. The anger I felt finding out that Dan had been with Bridget... another connection cut. Another person not who I thought they were. Another person not who they said they'd be. It snapped something inside me. Dan helped me out at a time in my life that was particularly crappy. I slept on his musty, brown couch more times than I can count. Not once had he asked why I was crashing. He was dogged, resourceful, and he never complained when I'd get into fights at parties - even when he'd have to carry my intoxicated, scrawny ass back to his. Despite the fact that was years ago now, it is something I never forgot. With Bridget... I'd hoped it was all in my head, that mistrust which is ingrained in me.  I hoped that I saw things where there was no reason to. Wrong, once again. I guess deep down I already knew it, but is it so bad that I wanted someone to prove me wrong?

Ally stops beside my car, patiently waiting as I catch up to her. I drop my keys – twice, like a fucking idiot, before unlocking the door.

What is wrong with me?

I fold into the driver's seat and accidently shut the door too forcefully. Still, the silence between us is louder. I look to her out of the corner of my eye. I need to do something because she's sick of my shit already. Lifting my ass up, I pull my phone from my back pocket and plug it into the stereo. My fingers scroll purposefully before selecting the song.

As the melody breaks the silence, I put my foot on the throttle and we pull out into the street.

I hope these lyrics say the things I can't.