Pieces of Me

Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: this chapter deals with some heavy topics like potential assault.

It's not too deep, but it may trigger people.

If you do read it, and it brings up feelings please message. A lot of what I write comes from my own experiences. x

Ally

I try my best to be quiet as I tiptoe over bodies and beer cans to get to the guest room. The music still playing outside, is only a soft hum inside. Vee's house is fairly big, and being her closest friends we are given the guest rooms to crash in. So much better than a space on the floor. I assume that Maddie and Karlie are still spooning together behind the door down the hall, seeing as they were both extremely wasted when I helped them into bed about two hours ago.
I'd tucked them in like small children - leaving water and Panadol on the nightstand.
My heart constricted as I left them, too many vivid memories of leaving my mum the same thing taking over my mind. The guilt and paranoia always come in sharp bursts. As a child I'd always swore I'd never drink the "evil water", yet here I am. Living up to my reputation? I hope not.
I really was adamant I would never drink, but then you grow up....
I now I kind of understand her need to escape. I could never understand her justifications, to take it as far she did... does. Yet now I'm older, I get it. We all just want to feel okay. For me, I just want to get out of my head. But my mind always worries about that line.
That line my mother couldn't see.

I shut the door to the guest room and slip off my shoes. As much as I want to take it off, I keep my dress on. It's so uncomfortable but I really hadn't planned on staying the night. At this moment though, I'm glad my girls know me better than I know myself. My steely resolve to have only one drink and leave wavered after the first sip – 10 drinks later there is no way I can drive home now, and an Uber seems just.... so much effort.

I grin to myself as I slide between the fresh, crisp sheets and pull the navy comforter up to my chin.  My previous Uber drives fill my mind. I love the conversations I have with Uber drivers. And then I'm giggling out loud.

Okay I am a bit tipsy.

Damn that last round of Kings cup was a killer. I'm glad it was Karlie, and not me who had to drink the jug. I do hope Logan is okay.....
I close my eyes, my head is spinning ...but it's okay because I can feel sleep slowly dragging me under. I smile thinking about how great a night it was...

Ugh, I stir, running my hand across my face. My mind is clouded with sleep, but a loud bang makes me blink groggily.

What?

The room is pitch black, but as I begin to wake up I realise there are hands at my waist. My gasp catches silently in the back of my throat. I open my eyes - wide, meeting the wall of Vee's spare bedroom which it's filled with pictures of us.
Us at school. As at uni. Us dancing. Us in pjs.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe..

The hand, the fingers they move lower. It's then I notice the heavy weight against my back.
I can feel the pounding against my rib cage. I can't move. The cold feeling makes its way down my body, like it's paralyzing my entire body. I can't believe my sobs are silent..

Maybe I can pretend?

So I try pretend, to grunt in my "sleep", and roll away, pushing my front into the mattress.
But his body follows hastily, and I will myself not to cry.
Grunting he pulls me back further, and I open my eyes slightly... I know who it is.
The vomit acid rises in my throat. It's stuck there along with my words.
Shame, embarrassment and fear paralyses me further. I can't, I just can't move.
Feigning sleep, I let out a fake sigh and again, try to roll onto my front to stop the fingers from touching me, but it doesn't work. I can feel his hot raspy breath against my neck as he follows my body. The harsh smell of alcohol fills my nostrils.
The panic builds up in my chest. I want to move, I want to scream, I want to cry. To shove him off... but I just can't, I can't.. I'm so scared...
His fingers inch lower, closer... tracing the outline of my underwear.
The feeling of his fingers on my hip suddenly snap me into reality. Using all the force I have, I push my elbow back into his chest, hard. Then I'm pushing the foot of my heel into him to without even thinking.
I hear the breath leave his lungs and a grunt leave his lips. His grip on me loosens, and I pull away immediately.
I take the opportunity to push him off and scramble over his body, off the bed and towards the door.
I stumble, almost falling on my face, before catching myself. I wrench open the door, throwing myself through the doorway. It's then I collide with a solid figure.
Large hands grip my arms, holding me up as I beginning to flail,  trying to pull away.