Your Melancholy Calls To Me

Kabanata 1

It could have been better if Mama didn't died because of Brain Tumor, it could have been better if she didn't die that early. Masyadong maaga dahil wala pa akong kamalay-malay sa mundo. It could have been better if she watched us grew. It could have been better if she's here with us. But then, tonight, it's just an another what could have been.

"Paige, ano ba ang sinabi ko sa iyo? Hindi ba't sana ay pinigilan mo muna ang sarili mo. Kapag hindi nakaharap si Dad, kahit sa amin mo na lang ibuhos lahat." Kuya is obviously disappointed with me, yet he didn't stood up nor point his finger at me. His voice remain calm, and this is what I like about him. He's placid.

"That's enough, Gideon. Paige is tired." Mahinang wika ni Ate na nanatiling nasa tabi ko, kinuha niya ang basong babasagin at uminom doon. Kasabay nang pagbaba niya 'non ang papapakawala niya ng buntong hininga. I've mentioned this before, but Ate Gianna has a very long patience. Parehas sila ng ugali ni Kuya, and she's the eldest so maybe, nakuha na ni aming kapatid ang ugali nito.

"She needs to realize things too, Ate. We all know she wants to take Fine Arts but Dad opposed. Paige, naghintay ka muna sana. We can convinced him, if only you didn't fill his cup that much." Umupo ako nang maayos at tumingin sa kanya, ito na ang pangalawang pagkakataon na pagtatalunan namin ang bagay na iyan. I guess my life will not be at peace here.

"I asked you, until when?" Diretso kong sagot. Ramdam ko ang namumuong tensyon sa pagitan ng aming mga tingin, niluwagan niya ang kanyang tie at minsahe ang kanyang noo. I remained staring at him, and I think I won't stop until he can assure me when.

"Hey, stop it. We should celebrate this, Mama would be proud! Tatlong anak niya ay may Latin Honors!" I know just trying to lift our moods, pero sa tingin ko, kahit anong gawin niya ay hindi na magbabago iyon. Pity.

Hinarap ko sila, ang tingin ni Ate ay nasa kanyang tubig habang si Kuya ay nakatingin sa akin. "Should we talk about it now? Until when? Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay hanggang pwede na akong mag-Fine Arts? Hanggang kailan ko itatago kay Daddy ito?" Lumipad ang tingin sa akin ni Ate, she stretched her arms as she caress my hair.

"You're too young to understand," She whispered. "It would be difficult to explain such things but eventually, maiintindihan mo rin."

"Do you think Mama will be proud of us? Sigurado akong disappointed siya. Alam niyo kung bakit? Kasi itinatago natin ang isang bagay na lubos na ipinagmamalaki niya." Kinuha ko ang kanyang kamay na nakatapong sa aking buhok, ibinaba ko iyon sa mesa at diretsong tumingin sa kanya. "I'm not young anymore, Ate. I can do all the things Dad wants me to do, kahit habang buhay pa akong mag-aral, gagawin ko. But I can't swallow his words anymore, naririnig ko lang siyang sinasabi sa akin na tigilan ang pagguhit, I want to vomit."

Tumayo ako at inayos ang aking buhok. I think it's a long day for us all, and I am so sick with this dine. "Shall we call it a day? What a nice celebration!" Sarkisto kong wika at lumakad na. Tinalikuran ko silang dalawa at wala na akong narinig pang salita mula sa kanila.

Habang naglalakad ako sa pasilyo ay wala akong makitang kahit na anong nakasabit sa pader, how plain. Plain is boring, unlike Lola's place. What a lively place to stay in. Ikinuyom ko ang aking kamay, I really want to punch someone right now. I am frustrated, I'm mad too. Pumasok ako sa aking silid, kasunod lang iyon ng kay Kuya at kay Ate kaya naman hindi ako magtataka kung bukas ay magkakasalubong kami and it would he awkward.

Isinara ko ang pinto at nakita ko kaagad ang aking toga na nasa ibabaw ng aking kama. Iniikot ko ang tingin sa kwarto, it was pure white but the touch of beige in every thing in this room, including the picture frames, the coffee table, the bedside table, and the color of the curtain makes it elegant to look at. It was minimalism.