Your Melancholy Calls To Me

Kabanata 15

The Last Time My Melancholy Calls to You
Last Chapter

There's a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us somewhere

The day after we found out that a new tumor is taking over Isaiah's brain for the second time and the chemotheraphy wafers did not completely do its job for some reasons that Isaiah's body is failing to recieve its supposed to be positive effect and instead, he suffered the most about its side effects, I went straight to my grandparent's home with a heavy heart.

It was the only place where I can talk to Mama. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, she can help me whisper to God that Isaiah doesn't deserve this.

For minutes, I stood in front of Mama's portrait. I remained in silence, yet my gaze are glued upon her eyes. I know you are here, I know you can feel me and I need you the most tonight. Pour out some miracles from above, let God take everything but not this one. Not Isaiah.

Napayuko ako, why do I feel so hopeless in just one snap? Hinawakan ko ang aking dibdib at dahan dahang napaluhod. Hindi ko na napigilan ang paghikbi, ang aking lumbay lang ang maririnig sa buong hallway ng bahay nina Lola. My eyes are tired, my chest is heavy. I don't think I will be able to stand again, I feel weakness all over my body.

From distance, I can feel that Lolo and Lola are just staring at me and letting me be. They already knew about it, it was days after Isaiah's successful operation when I told them. But now, everything is on the edge and I can't feel any success.

"Paige," I heard Dad's voice calling me, at first I thought I was just hallucinating things but when I lifted my head I immediately saw my father walking towards me.

"I don't want to go home..." I mumbled. But when I saw how he smiled at me, he knelt beside me and pulled me closer to him... For once, I felt Mama. "Daddy..." In one touch I lost everything, akala ko mababaliw na ako. I was gasping for air, I was crying non stop. "Isaiah is s-slowly giving up... He t-told me he is already t-tired. You're r-right, Daddy." Hell, I can't even pronounce word clearly.

"You have to be strong now, for Isaiah. And for every decision he make, you will be there for him. Right, Paige? You will do it, right?" Dad's voice breaks a little. "I am seeing myself in you now, I told you not to meddle with them... Because I don't want you to feel the same pain twice. I warned you... You didn't listen to your Dad."

Naramdaman ko ang pag-baba at pagtaas ng kanyang kamay sa aking buhok.

"God, why do my child needs to experience this? She's too young... Isn't her mother enough?" Dad lose it, I heard how he sobbed. It was the first time Dad cried in front of me, in front of my grandparents.

My Father and I sat on the floor, we were comforting each other and for the whole twenty one years of my existence, it is the first time this happened. He shared the pain with me because he knew how it felt. He was right, he is a father before he became a businessman. Now, I am seeing it.

"I visited Isaiah before I came here, because your Lola asked me to check you out. I already know the results... it could have been very tiring for him." He whispered as I slowly nodded. It was not just tiring, he must've been feeling the worst but chose not to tell us. "Hindi na natin mababago, wala na tayong magagawa... you just have to be with that person."

"You told me not to meddle with them yet you're here telling me that," Tumingin ako sa kanya at pinunasan ang luha. We're facing each other now, and his eyes are quite swollen.

"Wala na akong magagawa, we now came to this point... Anak kita. Kung saan ka masaya..." Napataas ang aking kilay.

"Masaya ako sa fine arts." Diretso kong sabi, huminga siya nang malalim at tumingala. Tinignan niya ang portrait ni Mama habang ako ay nakatingin lang sa kanya.