Your Melancholy Calls To Me

Kabanata 14

"That was our seventieth fist bump, Isaiah. Not sixty five..."

"I'm sorry, Paige... Ilang beses ko nang nalilimutan..."

Ten days after Isaiah's brain surgery, he was sent home to heal more in a place where he feels comfortable the most. He was still doing his medications, the chemotherapy wafers are still implanted into his body to prevent the recurring of the tumor. Chemo and Radition therephy are still on-going and eventhough he stays at home, he spent most of his days in the hospital.

The effects of his brain surgery and other medications are now long-term, he will surely experience these in his whole lifetime. Isaiah began having a difficulty in walking, he often feel weakness in his arms and legs. Even before the surgery, he was having a difficulty in remembering things but now it became worse, he even began losing concentration from time to time. These are long-term problems and most of the people who undergo to a brain surgery often feel these too. One thing I am thankful is, there were no problems in his speech.

I am prepared for this, I know that Isaiah's life will not be the same anymore right after the operation. I know I need a long patience, I have to invest a lot of time, and I have to accept this reality little by little even though it hurts me too to see him like that. But I am happy to see him breathe, to continue looking forward each and every day. I am happy I remained his constant.

It's been three months now, I can't say everything is fine but I am still hoping and rooting for the best things to happen. For the whole three months, I always pay a visit to Isaiah at their home. His family loves to see me there, because according to them, Isaiah turns bright yellow whenever I am around. He is that delighted to see me. In every threaphy he's attending, I was always there. I would wait for him in the hospital hallways for hours and with the sweetest smile, I will tell him that he did great!

Isaiah became my life, he became my morning, afternoon and night. I would spend my days in their home, talking to him and telling him things that he forgets. Isaiah became my routine, I feel like my world revolves around his axis now.

"Paige, nagwala na naman siya kanina sa itaas..." Napangiwi ako nang isalubong sa akin iyon ng kanyang ina.

Malalim ang ilalim ng kanyang mata, her white strands of hair are becoming much visible now. Aaminin ko, medyo tumanda ang kanyang mukha kumpara sa una ko siyang nakita. Dahil siguro sa pagod, at hindi ko siya masisisi roon. As for me, I never felt tired. For as long as Isaiah is fine, I am good.

Isaiah's facing a behavioral change, he is not a lunatic in case someone might think of that. It is just an effect of his surgery. Minsan, he's okay. Minsan, hindi. Minsan, he is clingy. Minsan, he wants to he alone. Hindi naman ito laging nangyayari, it rarely happens but my heart broke a little whenever it's happening.

"Bakit po? Ano kayang hindi niya nagustuhan?" It's seven in the morning, at nandito na kaagad ako sa kanilang bahay. Sabay kaming umakyat sa hagdan, parang hindi na nga ako bisita sa bahay na ito. Nasanay na rin sila na bigla akong dadating, at minsan nga ay parang naninibago pa sila na hindi ako nakakapunta ako.

"Hindi ko alam, baka naalala niya na naman na hindi ka nakapunta kahapon... Pasensya na Paige. Hindi mo naman obligasyon, minsan kasi ay naiintindihan naman ni Isaiah. Ngunit minsan ay hindi..."

Tumigil kami sa labas ng kwarto ni Isaiah, napatingin ako kay Tita Dawn na halatang nag-aalala. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang balikat at tipid na ngumiti. "Kape, kape ang gusto niya. Iyong hindi masyadong matamis, Tita. Katamtaman lang..." Bilin ko. Agad naman siyang tumango at tumalikod na habang ako ay pumasok na sa silid ni Isaiah.

Hindi na ako nagulat nang makitang hindi nagalaw ang kanyang pagkain, balot siya ng kumot at hindi man lang nagbigay ng atensyon sa kadadating. Hindi naman niya alam na ako iyon, iniikot ko ang tingin sa kanyang silid. Sarado ang mga kurtina at ang aircon lang ang dahilan kung bakit hindi mainit dito. Ang kanyang mga gamot ay nasa isang gilid, at sa isang sulok ng silid, nandoon ang mga panggawa ng obra.