Hearts and Other Breakable Things

chapter thirty-six ✔️

stevie hopkins
- june 18, 2018 -

SITTING IN THE BACK OF the library, I scribbled into a notebook. Chelsea sat next to me, tapping her pen against the table. She had a book in front of her, but she was staring off into space just tapping away. I took in a couple of breaths trying to ignore the noise.

            I had less than an hour to finish this assignment. It was worth a large percentage of my final grade. But it was hard to focus with that insistent tapping. My hand shot out and grabbed hers. She shook her head and looked at me.

            "What's wrong?" She asked.

            "The tapping, Chels. I can't focus."

            "You can't focus because we've been sitting here for hours. You've got to take a break. It will help with your studying. You can't just make it all work at once."

            I breathed out a long sigh, "I have to cram this. I only have about an hour left."

            She rolled her eyes, "Why is it you're always cramming for something? And when you're not cramming, you're studying and doing homework and when you're not doing that, you're doing extra credit."

            "I'm sorry, but this stuff is important."

            "So are a lot of things," she snapped. I took my hand off hers and sat back in my seat. All of that came from out of left field and I had to take a second to adjust.

            "Okay, you have my attention. Let me put my degree on hold. Can you give me a second to just call my professor and tell him that my girlfriend's upset and ask for an extension? I don't know what you want. We do things together all the time. This is something I have to get done."

            "What do we do together anymore?" She laughed, but it was hollow, "We sit in this stupid library."

            "I'm sorry your classes don't take up as much time, but I'm taking at least twice as many as most of the students at this college. I've got a plan to stick to. I've got deadlines. What would you like me to do about that? Just stop?"

            "No," she groaned and folded her arms across herself. A nice little barrier between the two of us, "I just want to actually go out and see my friends."

            "Then go, Chels. Don't let me hold you up in this library. I have to study, but that doesn't mean you have to be stuck here too. Go and have fun with your friends."

            That seemed like a fine alternative. She'd have fun and I would get all my stuff done. That seemed like a win, win situation. I could always just catch up with her after.

            She huffed, "Yeah, I'll just do that."

            Shoving items in her purse, she threw it over her shoulder. She seemed angry, but I thought it was a great idea. She wouldn't have to be cooped up which is what she was just complaining about. She was complaining about not seeing her friends. Now she had the opportunity to see them.

            "You're mad that I want you to go hang out with your friends?" I looked up at her, my brows knitting together.

            "I'm mad that you're not taking this seriously."

            I shook my head, "Not taking it seriously? Taking what seriously? You want to hang out with your friends and I can't go. I want you to go. I want you to have fun."

            "I want to have fun with you!" She yelled. Instantly, she stopped. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Trying to calm herself down.

            "Chels, that's not fair. You know I want to do things with you."

            "No," she shook her head, "just no. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Finish your work, I'm just going to go."

            I stood instantly, the chair toppling to the ground, "Please, I...I just need...Um..."

            She didn't move. She waited for me to finish, but I couldn't seem to find the words. What was it that I needed? This work was important. It was important that I finish.

            "Yeah, give me a call when you figure that out okay."

            When she was completely out the door, I ran a hand down my face. God, could I be any more of an idiot.

            Grabbing my chair, I sat back down, but simply stared at the paper. It somehow felt much colder in this room than it had moments ago. Was it possible for someone to take the warmth with them or was I just now feeling the chill?

            I knew I'd have to make this up to her somehow. I thought she understood. I thought we were on the same page. I had to get good grades if I wanted to transfer schools.

            For the first time I actually thought about what transferring schools meant.

            Would we make it long distance if we couldn't even handle this? We'd never see each other then and we see each other almost everyday now. And, if I thought my class load was a lot here, it'd probably be even worse there.

            But I'm sure we could handle it. She was amazing. I didn't want to lose her. Glancing down at the paper in front of me, I sighed. I had to finish, but as soon as I was, I would take her out. Maybe to a museum or something. She liked those.

            I'd hold her hand and make her feel special because she was special to me. I put pen to paper and started working again. It was only another hour. An hour was a long time, but no time at all. Next thing I knew I'd be done and I could see her again.

            I could call and try to actually speak that time. After this paper, I'd try to write down what I wanted to say. Chelsea was a word person. Words and numbers weren't the best combination, but I was going to make it work. We were going to work. I knew it.

            Because we could be infinite. We could be the very definition of forever.