Hearts and Other Breakable Things

chapter thirty-two ✔️

katie porter
- february 12, 2020 -

            "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO this if you aren't ready for it. I know you said you were, but if you're having second thoughts that's okay." Jackson and I stood in front of my car, just staring at the thing. I twisted the keys in the palm of my hand, but I couldn't get that sound out of my head every time I looked at it.

Clearing my throat, I shook my head, "No. I can do this. I can. And, not only that. I want to. I want to do this."

He let out a slow breath and nudged me with his elbow, "Okay. Let's do this then."

Holding out his head, he sent me a smile, "How about I get us out of town first."

I hesitated, "Yeah. That sounds like a great idea, but first the door."

We stepped around to the passenger side and stared at the door for a moment. An ugly dent sat there as if it were watching us. I hadn't even tried to open it since the accident. I'd sat in the driver's seat what felt like hundreds of times, but I'd never tried to open the dented door.

"Do you want to sit there? You can sit behind me if you want."

"I'll sit there." I walked to the door and let my fingers brush against the handle. I looked at Jackson and nodded my head, "We've got to start somewhere, right?"

"Right." He moved to the driver's side and slid behind the wheel. I held the handle in my grasp and took a deep breath before ripping it open. I slid into the passenger seat and stared at the dashboard. Jackson let us sit in the parking spot for a while longer than we needed to.

My hand braced against the door when he started to back up and leave the parking lot. He made sure to go under the speed limit. Driving out of town, he pulled onto a gravel road and put the car into park. He didn't pull over or get out of the way, he just stopped and turned off the car.

Without speaking a word, we both exited the car and switched sides. I rubbed my palms up and down the steering wheel and waited for Jackson to get buckled. With the click of his seatbelt, I swallowed. My hand went to the keys in the engine, but they stopped short of turning.

I let out a sigh and turned the key. She roared to life the same as she always had before. I repeated to grip the wheel and took in a few deep breaths. Shifting into gear, I barely took my foot off the break.

The car started to roll forward and I slammed my foot back in place. Jackson's hand came to mine. I turned to him, my eyes bouncing all over his face.

"It's okay. That was perfect. Just whatever you're comfortable with." He moved into my direct view. My eyes focused on his face as a whole and not all the individual details. He sent me a smile.

I tried again and we moved a couple of feet before I slammed down on the brakes again. Jackson's hand shot out and slammed against the dashboard. He laughed, his head tipping backwards.

"I'm trying," I winced.

"I know. I know," his smile widened. "Don't worry about it. I understand. Try starting off a bit slower and not slamming on the brakes so hard."

Nodding, I slowly eased back into drive. Jackson talked me through a turn and I jumped in my seat. My hands left the wheel and I turned to give him a high-five. He laughed and grabbed the wheel, my heart beating hard enough that I felt it might break through my rib cage.

I stopped the car and put it in park. Getting out, I jumped and punched the air. Jackson stepped out of the car; his arms draped over the top of the door. I couldn't help it. I went around a corner. An entire corner, practically by myself.

"Did you see that! Did you see it! I made that turn! I made it!" Laughing, I danced in place. I don't remember feeling this alive and free since I first learned how to drive. I could go anywhere I wanted and I didn't have to wait for anyone.

He patted the top of the hood, "I'm happy for you. Do you want to try on the road with other people?"

I bit my thumb, looking up and down the road. The only way to get from one place to another was to go through Kensington. Running to the car, I mimicked his stance. One foot on the rim of the door and leaning on the car.

"Yeah, let's do this." We stared at each other for a moment. Smiles appeared on our faces and we both hopped in the car. I took a deep breath, took a moment before turning on the car and turned around, going back the way we'd come.

I paused at the entrance of the road. I could practically see all the way down to Main Street. A car drive passed and I gripped the wheel tighter. Jackson's hand landed on mine. My eyes wandered over to meet his.

"Everything is going to be okay. We can simply drive back to the apartment complex. It's right down the hill."

I nodded, "Okay. That sounds better." Slowly, I pulled into traffic. I jumped at the first car to pass me. Jackson's hand rested on my thigh and I took a deep breath.

Getting down the hill and through traffic was easier than my brain said it was going to be. Pulling into the parking spot, I let out a low sigh. We climbed from the car and silently walked to the front door and to each other.

"I'm thinking Chinese," I said, twisting the key in the lock.

"I'm thinking delivery?" Jackson laughed as he followed me.

Turning to him, I dropped the keys on the counter, "No wonder you're a professor because that sounds like a great plan."

He smiled, "How did you know it was because of all the great ideas? I always have to lie and say it was the years of schooling."

"I think you're just easy to read," I admitted with a shrug of my shoulders. Walking around the bar of the kitchen, I started a pot of coffee.

"Is that right?" Jackson leaned on the counter and raised a brow.

I walked over and mimicked his stance on the other side of the counter, "Afraid so."

With a smile on his face, he rolled his eyes. We stood there without saying anything until the coffee pot beeped. I poured us each a cup while Jackson called in an order from Fortune Garden. I watched him pace back and forth as he ordered food.

It's true about people becoming fast friends after they've seen each other in a vulnerable state. It feels as if it's been years since Jackson and I first rather than simply a month ago. Most of the time he knew exactly what I was going to say before I'd even said it. I guess people do come in and out of your life for some kind of reason after all.