Dear Diary, // L.S

43.Dear Scars,

Dear Diary,
Harry touched my new cuts. New like ten minutes old. He hugged me and put his hands directly on them.

Dad still checks my wrists and thighs. So I did them on the sides of my waist, love handles if you like to call them that.

I always wear pants that are as high wasted as possible. I never met Harry in sweats.

At first I didn't notice but when he rubbed his fingers against them my world came crashing down.

I took a few steps back and looked at him. His lips were slightly open and he was blinking like crazy.

/
+What are those?

-Nothing.

+Are they- Do you- Why?

-Let it go.

+Is that why you have a razor on your nightstand?

-Please stop.

+How do you expect me to stop? Are you self harming? Does anyone know? How long have you been doing this!?

-Almost a year.

+You- You almost died and you're still doing this? I thought you're better!

-I am! I'm better.

+Why are you doing this? How does it solve anything?

-It doesn't solve anything. It helps me. It helps me feel in control of the pain that I'm feeling!

+Does anyone know?

-My dad... The doctor told him to check the places that I used to do it and he doesn't really check anywhere else.

+You have to-

-Enough. I've already told you alot. God I shouldn't have talked! No one knows... Please don't tell them!

+I won't but you have to let me help you.

-I don't need help!

+Why do you keep lying to yourself?

-Please leave. I can't handle this right now.
/

He was so shocked and kept asking me questions. I told him a little which I deeply regret. I've been crying for so long. I shouldn't have told him. I ruined everything. It's going to he awkward now. I'm such an idiot!

Harry offered help. How is he going to help me when I can't even help myself.

God I'm so frustrated I wanna freaking self harm right now! But his face is stuck in my head and I just can't!

I hate every choice that I make.

I hate every little bit of myself.