Dear Diary, // L.S

59.Dear 21,

Dear Diary,
Today is my birthday. I'm officially allowed to drink in every country and that's the most important thing. Nah I'm kidding I don't even drink that much.

But anyways there are bigger stuff happening than my birthday.

Let me paint you a mental picture. It's 9 AM and you usually sleep till 10:30-11. It's christmas eve and Ned and Laura are passed out in the room next to you. You hear a knock but decide to ignore it because it's probably some people singing about jesus. But whoever's behind the door doesn't wanna give up. So you get up. Hair messy and still wearing pajamas ready to yell at the person who's knocking. You open the door and Harry's standing in front of you. What do you do?

/
+Hi...

-Harry?

+Yup that's me.

-Uh...

+May I come in?

-Um yeah sure. Come in...

+Happy birthday by the way.

-Thanks?

+You look different.

-Well maybe because the last time you saw me I was a teenager?

+Yeah that's probably it.

-Excuse me why are you here?

+I wanted to stay the holidays with you guys.

-Sure.

+I'm serious. I missed you alot.

-You would've texted if you did.

+Weren't you the one that didn't text me back?

-That was nearly two years ago.

+I don't care if it was a week ago or two years. You're the one who pushed me away for the hundredth time.

-I didn't push you away!

+You did! I texted you and called you all the time but no fucking answers. Do you know that I asked about you from Ned every time we talked? Do you know how it felt when I heard that my name is not to be said around you because you act so weird after? You pushed me away. You ignored me. I thought you were moving on so I let you be but don't you blame me for not talking to you.

-I was 19 Harry and I was fucking broken. You knew how I was and how I felt. You took me to the fucking hospital yourself. Do you know how many times I cried my eyes out looking at our pictures?

+I'm very sorry but I can't believe a word you're saying.

-You know what Harry? Fuck you. I cared for you all this time and you're acting like a selfish piece of shit who's full of themself.

+He-

-I don't wanna hear anything from you. You're welcome to stay here take the fucking couch or whatever. I'm sorry for thinking you ever gave a shit. You clearly don't.
/

In the two year span of his absence I imagined meeting Harry hundreds of time but never thought it would go like this.

Never thought we would just yell and fight. Never thought we wouldn't get to hug cause I want his arms around me so badly. I missed him. I missed him like crazy but sometimes things just don't go the way we want.

Diary what can I have if I can't even have Harry?