Dear Diary, // L.S

67.Dead Leap,

Dear Diary,
I'm 24 years old. Big leap I know.

I've been busy with life.

I'm teaching the first grade. I attended a short program first cause I didn't have a propper degree.

I got a beard believe it or not.

I don't live with Ned anymore.

I Iive with my fiance. It's funny how I wrote one sentence about it. I was actually so hammered that I didn't remember that. I saw it for the first time today.

You might think we're moving fast but I think we've done all our waiting.
He's 27 can you believe it?
He's a teacher too. He's an assistant professor. Fancy!

I've been ok. I'm sorry I left you with bad memories. I couldn't bring myself to write after that night. I almost forgot that nightmare existed until I read it here again.

Ned and Laura broke up a year or so ago. It was sad seeing them like that. I never thought of Laura as a close friend but we still hang out sometimes.

Ned spends alot of time with us. He's our best friend what do you except?

Back to Harry the star of this notebook. He's still the kind and sweet person that he was from the start.

When we started dating I was having a hard time. But after a while everything just fell into place.

He kissed me to show me love not to take my body.

He held my hand to protect me. He called to check on me.

He was keeping me safe. He's still keeping me safe.

We never had sex. People find it weird. Well not people, Ned. But he's asexual and I'm all out of sexual drive. It works in our own messed up way.

Let's get to me.
As I said I've been ok.

Would you be mad if I said I'm still not happy?
It's not my fault! I'm trying so hard! I've been clean for years. But something's wrong.

Being around Harry exhausts me sometimes. It's like I always want to put on my happy face for him because he deserves the positive atmosphere. But I swear to God I take forever in the bathroom just staring at the wall to gain some energy back.

It's sad I know. I love him and I still can't be ok. I still can't fix me after all these years.

I can see that he notices sometimes but he's so freaking nice that he just offers me to take a bath or watch a movie. He understands that it's not personal and I just need some space from time to time.

Once again it works in our own messed up way.