Tangled in South Park

The Night of Fireworks

*A Couple Days Later*

I turn my car off, taking the key out of the ignition, and sinking into my seat. My eyes staring at the entrance of South Park's cemetery in front of me. A place that I haven't been to since the funeral. A place that I didn't think I would be visiting a person I love so early in life.

"You need to do this," I sigh, looking down at my lap. "He's probably right by me all the time, if he's not in hell yet, but it will feel better to have some thing to talk to. I don't have to come back any more, but I need to do this now."

I'm not sure how much longer I spend just sitting in my car. Long enough that the engine cools off and stops making noises. Long enough that I am starting to sweat from no air flow. Long enough to pull myself together and finally grab the door handle.

I step out into the breezy afternoon summer feeling my heart clench. I've been doing just what Kenny has told me to do, yet being without him can still be tough. To actually go and acknowledge once more that he's gone right now is causing my eyes to fill with tears.

"I want to talk to him," I take a deep breath, trying to push away the tears. "To tell him what we need to do when he gets back." I shut my car door, clicking the button on my keys to lock it, and then begin the journey to Kenny's grave.

South Park's cemetery is actually a fairly nice place. It is open and spacious, with many of the graves being quite old, with a few newer ones sprinkled in. Either people live long here, or maybe most people move out when they get to a certain age. It could also be that most people who live here moved from other places, and thus none of their relatives would be buried here. Each grave also has a few flowers or some kind of ornament, so it doesn't look as barren as other cemeteries that I have been too. I wonder if someone in town is constantly making sure that these graves get love, which would be the sweetest thing. Not that any of this really matters, but it does help keep my mind off of why I am here.

Even without really paying attention, I lead myself straight to Kenny's grave. It looks better since I was here last. The grass has grown over the hole they placed his casket, a little toy windmill is next to the gravestone, and various flowers are spread around. I wonder if the boys have been here often. I wonder if his parents come here often. I wonder if anyone Kenny used to get with comes here. All these thoughts swirling in my head make me fall to my knees.

"Hey Kenneth," I find myself speaking without realizing. "This is strange. I never thought that I would have to do something like this. It feels almost cliché to be talking to your grave. You might be floating around me right now, but I'll never know. I really don't want to know," I shake my head. "Anyways, I can feel myself starting to ramble. I don't want to do that right now. I have things that I want to say. Things that I need to get off my chest right now. Since you left, so many things have been revealed to me. I had been trying to run from my past, but I should have embraced it. I should have understand that it shapes the girl that I am today. I was just so ready for a chance to start over, and I didn't want to have where I came from following me around like a ghost."

A breeze swirls around my body, causing a shiver to run down my spine. I tuck lose strands of hair behind my ear as my thoughts slowly start to settle down. I've been running on racing thoughts and nerves for the past few minutes. There's no where for Kenny to go, and no where for me to go for a few hours. I can take all the time I need. I just need to calm down.

"I guess what I am trying to say is, when you get back, we need to talk. Like really talk about things. I need to seriously apologize for some stupid things I've done, and I want to make sure that we don't go down a bad path. I want both of us to be happy. I don't want you to be trying to make sure that I stay happy. You mean so damn much to me, and there has to be an equal amount of give and take. I want to spend the rest of my life with you when you get back. I want to always be by your side. I want to love you with all my heart, and I want to feel that love coming from you. I want to fight with you, and I know that sounds terrible, but fighting is healthy. We shouldn't worry about being perfect, because that is not possible. No one is perfect."