As usual, the first thing i did when i woke up was check all my socials to see if declan had posted anything. i threw my hair in a messy bun as i concentrated on my phone and went downstairs. to my delight, declan had tweeted that he was going to do a carpool karaoke and pick one lucky fan to be in the car with him! i squealed with surprise and my mom, that fucking bitch, rolled her eyes at me.
"you are so obsessed with that declan person that you haven't showered in a month now. you don't brush your teeth anymore and you don't even get up to piss and shit anymore."
that made me really mad because i might be an 18 year old who pisses her pants everyday, but i have only shat on the floor twice. i angrily punched her, and then turned back to my phone to anxiously type out an email to BBC.
"i hope they pick me!" i thought as my mom bled onto the floor beneath me.
•••
it was 6pm when i finally got a call from BBC. i had had nervous gas all day so i felt a train of farts escape my butthole as i excitedly grabbed the phone.
"Hello?" I answered the call, feeling blood rush to my face.
"HELLO EMILY! ANNIE MAC HERE. YOU'RE LIVE ON BBC RADIO ONE. CONGRATULATIONS YOU WON THE BBC RADIO 2020 DECLAN MCKENNA CONTEST." A female voice screamed.
"WHAT?" I scream, feeling myself lose balance and fall straight on my bum.
"YES! You won. How do you feel?" Annie asked, I could sense the unauthentic enthusiasm she tried to force upon me.
"I- I cant believe it!" My eyes start tearing up, out of happiness, but also out of the nervous gas my butt cheeks were trying to hold in.
"We're so happy for you Emily! We'll see you next Tuesday where you're going to do a carpool-type of video with Declan McKenna and be in a place of privilege to be the first fan to listen to his upcoming album 'Zeros'!" Annie said, making the gas i'm trying to hold in unbearable.
I quickly ended the call. I sighed as I let the tears fall, and all the excited gas disenthrall.
YOU ARE READING
A Farting Fantasy - Declan McKenna
FanfictionLife is mundane for 18-year-old Emily Vanita who was born and raised in a small town just outside of London, until one day when she gets a call from BBC Radio 1 that gives her the opportunity of a lifetime...
