SHARING THE CREDIT ✓

CINCO

5 // BLUNTNESS = FRANQUEZA

worship holds strength.

to worship something or someone is the ability to love and fear like no other. love and fear come hand in hand, one cannot work without the other. you can love something so much that everyday, the fear of losing it creeps into your life like a constant alarm.

a souvenir of temperance.

worship holds danger, authority and vulnerability. devotion to the worshipped object or being is evident in all parts of life and the world.

worshipping someone is a very dangerous thing. now, why on earth would someone put themselves through that? but no one chooses to. Farah knew it from the moment Taehyung told her, "my heart worships you. i'm all yours." she knew there was no way she'd ever get over him, this fear and love would end her miserably yet superbly.

a part of her wanted to caress his cheeks, tell him not to do such a daft thing because he'd be wasting his time. a person like Taehyung valued his time and she felt grateful he had spent so much of it on her. he was her time in days, hours, minutes and seconds. but another part of her wanted to pull him closer by the collar, tell him to worship her with eager eyes and lips because she was selfish and her craving for him was so unbelievably impactful.

honestly, Farah worshipped Taehyung ever since she met him. she just didn't know how to tell him so she weaved it into words of poetry.

even now, as she stands outside the bathroom door, surprised to see him and the fact that he found her, she realises harshly that she still worships the ground he walks on.

and she hates herself.

despite the angst, she's devoted.

"fucking hell." Farah's eyes glitch, staring at him with such intense nervousness that she feels poorly. she really wasn't expecting this. he saw her, came after her? how naive of her to think he couldn't have seen her. this is embarrassing. she stills in every way, her body turning frozen as she keeps her eyes on the man who knew she was running away.

Taehyung stands up from against the wall, hand still in pocket as his other hand points at her with a cheeky smile. he's acting so casual, so sleek with movement and words. the smile spreads across his smooth face, close lipped as familiarity spreads through the warmth of his chest. "that's exactly the reaction i expected." he says clearly.

his voice. she hasn't heard it in years. the deep, raspiness of his clear statements and mumbles comes back with words he once said, words he never said. from voice messages, voice calls, video chats, him calling her name from a distance, him in the morning, him before they slept, him making love to her... the same voice that used to crack jokes, teach her, talk and whisper.

Farah doesn't know what to do. she prepared for this moment several times, going over and over it in her head and now that it's here, she knows nothing. absolutely nothing. all the intelligence and sentiments she thought she had mustered, adapted to, had dissolved. no one teaches you how to treat your ex boyfriend after years of loss.

"what are you doing here?" she urges, chest moving up and down as she tries to control the way her heart is beating quickly without permission. her voice is quiet but heard, it's adamant in tone. she fists her hands on either side of her body, watching him as he looks at her. a part of her wants to punch his pretty face. she knows why he's here, but why is he here, talking to her?

when Taehyung's eyes land on her, Farah forces herself to look back. she regrets it immediately because the eye contact is too severe, she remembers too much and she thought she couldn't remember anything. brown and brown. him and her. one book.

they stare at each other for a while, standing opposite each other at a respectful distance. both dressed smartly. blazer, dress, shoes, sneakers and wavy, dark hair. the climate between the two nominees, shared writers with shared credit is indescribable. there's nervousness, ineptness and coarseness. so much to say.

Taehyung clears his throat. Farah wonders if he's just as anxious to see her. he hides things well. "i'm here to pick up an award for a bestselling book. what about you?"

Farah gulps. she's watching his every move, from the way he removes his hands from his pockets to the way his gaze lingers, observing her just the same. as she remembers how similar in manner they can be, the way she looks at him changes. "something like that." she mumbles, not smiling. does he really think they're going to win too?

"really? interesting."

Taehyung continues looking at her. the courage of his gaze is too much which is why she looks away. she can't pinpoint what she's feeling. emotions of fear, agitation, excitement and hatred all fight to be heard. "you were avoiding me, weren't you?" his question is so blunt that Farah's eyes flash straight back to his in surprise.

"i need a cigarette." Farah turns around. she needs to walk away.

"well, when you're ready to talk to me... i'll be inside." Taehyung raises his voice, still watching her with her back turned. he bites on his bottom lip anxiously, scratching his ear. "come sit with me." he adds softly.

Farah turns back around. "come sit with you?" she repeats. as her ex lover nods, she walks away. "you must be fucking kidding me." she mutters under her breath, not daring to look back at the man with dusky curls.

Farah makes her way out of the venue, taking in the fresh air. she almost gasps with freedom. luckily, everyone is inside taking their seats. the outside air is exactly what she needs, she's tempted to stay, eyeing a bench but knows she can't. what would that prove her as? an ex girlfriend who's still broken? her pride is too high to let the man win.

what's there to lose? Farah sighs. it's just an award she's not bothered about, sure. she's already seen Taehyung. she lights up her cigarette, immediately blowing and once again, her thoughts are her only company.

seeing Taehyung made her feel frustrated yet relieved it's over. frustrated because he seems so calm, at ease with his ringed hand on his hips. why couldn't she be like that? he strides with perfection. she reminds herself how much she knows Taehyung. he may seem collected and friendly to the world but he has anxiety too, he thinks just as much. she inhales and exhales, she has no choice but to get through today.

Farah fiddles with her cigarette, unintentionally glaring at anyone that passes in front of her. she's feeling caught because she literally got caught. now she suddenly wants to cry. it's as if she's on a roller coaster that continuously moves, up and down and it never stops. it just keeps her screaming.

Farah glances back at the venue. she's reminded of a similar scenario her and Taehyung had experienced. it was the launch party for their book. they had invited everyone they loved, respected to celebrate.

at an important party like that, their book was being launched. their words were about to become known to the world and it was a joyous occasion. the solid memory from the night that Farah shakes at is the fact that Taehyung made her feel like the most important person in the world. he made love to her in the bathroom, ecstacy buzzing through their veins.

//

thank you for reading. stay safe <3