SHARING THE CREDIT ✓

ONCE

11 // DREADED MEMORIES = RECUERDOS TEMIDOS

"she's in a separate room. i'm sure she's fine."

Taehyung expounds and Farah nods. "ah, i see." she doesn't know what else to say because all of a sudden... the banter, the knowledge and the tenderness has drifted away and they're brought back to the snap of reality. the reality of what they are and what happened last night. the hangover effect.

what exactly were we drunk on? feelings. nostalgia. love. regret. distaste.

in the past, this feeling of awkwardness had occurred many times. when neither of them knew what to say because there was tautness between them... but how can you address something that you don't even know? so they said good night's and brushed it away.

it should've been easy.

so whenever Farah said, "i know it won't be easy. it's going to be a difficult love but i'm here for it." was she lying?

"so, i'm going to take off." Taehyung breaks the awkward silence and grabs his items which isn't much, just his phone and tie. he's already dressed with his hair tucked into his hood. "i'll see you later." he takes the smallest of glances at Farah before opening the door and leaving with no look back.

Farah wonders if her bringing up his forgotten grandma made him leave. when was he planning on leaving anyway? what would be the right time?

they weren't just strangers. she knew every side to him yet she felt like she knew nothing.

fatigued Farah stands up and places the multiple pillows from the floor onto the bed. that's a memory she'll be sure to remember. she notices the breakfast on the round table and a small smile breaks onto her lips. the once, boy of her dreams left after making breakfast for her in the morning and now, she suddenly wants to cry.

she's an emotional person.

Taehyung didn't make coffee for himself, he made tea for her.

she stands in the middle of the soundless room, eyeing the breakfast and tea that's too hot for her to drink. the silence that wafts into the room makes her breathless. it only arrives when he leaves, only then. it's too habitual.

Taehyung's disappearances come with silence. the silence was quite possibly the worst. it wasn't quiet, gauche or needed. perhaps it was needed but Farah didn't like it at all. she found it hard to listen to what she needed. it was the kind where she needed to be patient but didn't want to be because she'd lose her mind without Taehyung. giving him time to sort personal things out, she understood but the silence ate her alive.

he didn't want to drag her down foolishly but she was willing to let him step on her heart and be taken down. she didn't want him to face his battles alone because his grip on the sword was softened by her hand on top of his.

the silence has always been loud. it made Farah feel every feeling possible. she remembers the kind of distance that came with his silences.

it was like being there for someone who wasn't really there. a sort of ghostly figure that you reach for but your hands glide through and you end up hugging yourself. then you sob in your own arms, wondering if this is who you were meant to hold and cry to all along.

it hurt to be without him, to know he could easily live without her. every disappearance, every distant feeling and every silence made Farah question Taehyung's love for her. she knew he loved her more than anything, so why did she question it?

it was static. a static silence where she wanted to be found.

but she was left.

Taehyung taught her many things but the one thing he taught her was that you can't force someone to stay.