It was too late - A Shivika ff

Chapter 17

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As soon as Shivaay stepped inside the ward, he felt a feeling of peace engulf him completely. He could feel his pessimistic thoughts evaporating, his frantic heartbeat becoming calm first and then shooting up again, his ever battling mind coming to a stop and all his frowns and creases vanishing. Even though she wasn't there to run her fingers through his hair, to caress his face and give him an encouraging smile or to show her faith in him by telling him that she knew he would make everything fine, but just thinking about the fact that she is in the same vicinity as his, was enough to cause all the changes, which Omru would take minutes and a lot of cajoling to do, in just a matter of seconds. This was the effect Anika had on him. 

With erratic breaths, desperate longing and a truck full of guilt, Shivaay started making his way towards Anika's bed. He took baby steps, one at a time, all the while thinking about how he was responsible for her condition. It was not just the accident, he had also noticed the changes in her behaviour when she was in Oberoi Mansion, claiming a half of it as hers. He had observed how she had become more reserved and lost her cheerful nature. He knew her so well, that it wasn't difficult for him to make out that all her tantrums and attitude only came out on display when he was around and he also knew that it's purpose was to stimulate him to react. He knew her so well, but he had failed pathetically when it was time to prove it. 

Although Shivaay was at peace, there was a cold air in the room. He didn't know if it was only him who felt it, but it was there. Cold and refreshing, different from the suffocating air he was inhaling in his own ward. And all he could attribute this to was the presence of his lady. That's when it pricked him, can he still call her 'his' lady?

Lost in his thoughts, Shivaay did not realize when he was engulfed in a hug. It was only when he felt a tight grip around himself and a soft vibration of a hard chest against his own, that he felt he was being held by someone. He snapped out to see Rudra crying on his chest. He ruffled his hair and held him away to look at his face. A small smile formed on his lips. 

Rudra unavoidably felt a rush of emotions when he hugged his bhaiya and got his hair ruffled. Even through his tears, he couldn't help but flash his teeth when he saw Shivaay looking at him with slightly upturned lips. It was difficult for him to believe that his bhaiya was back, the Shivaay Singh Oberoi who would always look at him lovingly like his own son and solve all his problems, was standing on his feet again and giving him the same glance. Rudra did not want to cry, but in the wave of the morbid happenings, when he saw the one person who always set everything right, he could not control his stupid head from thinking that maybe his bhaiya will fix this also, just like he always does. 

Shivaay wiped Rudra's tears. 
Shivaay," Tu ro kyu raha hai?"
Rudra," Bahut din baad aapko Shivaay bhaiya ke jaise dekh raha hoo na, issiliye control nahi hua. Aapko dekhke aisa lagg raha hai jaise aap theekh ho gaye, waise hi jaldi bhabhi bhi theekh ho jaayengi."

Shivaay's heart melted on seeing his brother so different from his self. He knew that the effect on Rudra was profound, but he had never expected him to transform into a completely new being. He had never imagined his baby brother to talk with pain and hopelessness in his voice. 

Shivaay wiped Rudra's tears.
Shivaay," Mai sab kuch theekh kar dunga Rudy."

Rudra smiled. 
Rudra," Yehi sunna chahta tha mai, bahut dino se kisine ne dilasa nahi diya na. I know ki aap sab kuch theekh kar doge."

He nodded and went towards the door to leave Shivaay in some privacy to talk to Anika. Although the conversation would be one-sided, but Rudra didn't want himself to be an awkward audience cause of whom Shivaay would feel restricted in his time with Anika. 

Halfway there, he suddenly turned around and softly whispered," Accha bhaiya, ek cheez suno."
Shivaay turned around to face him.
Rudra," Bhabhi ko touch mat karna and lights mat jalana."
Shivaay," What?"
Rudra," Bhaiya woh Doctor has said ki infection ho sakta hai, so unko touch mat karna. You can only hold her left hand and light se unko disturbance hogi, so mat jalana. "
Shivaay nodded weakly. He didn't know whether to be hurt that his brother was telling him to take care of his wife or be happy that she had someone to care for her, after he had been so beastly in his demeanor. 

Rudra hurriedly left the room and Shivaay started observing it. There was nothing special in the room as such, and why would it be? It was a normal hospital room. The lights were dimmed as Anika was sleeping, except for the two glowing above the machines that were attached to the soul in a sub-conscious or unconscious state on the bed. Shivaay could only make out the outlines of the couch, the door to the washroom, the drips standing near  her bed, the bed and her silhouette. 

He had wanted to see her angelic face from the last two days, and here he had just almost fought with the doctor to see her, but couldn't. It seemed to him that Fate was punishing him for the deeds he had done, by not letting him absorb the satisfaction of seeing his life all fine. It was pricking him, pricking him real bad that the woman he had wanted to be his and only his, now wouldn't see him, and only him. 

Sitting on the stool beside Anika's bed, Shivaay took a heavy breath and took her hand in his. He entwined his fingers with hers and cupped it with his other one. Although he could not see her face properly, he could feel her closed eyes, resting lips with a slight parting and slow breathing in and out. 

" Anika, mai aa gaya. I'm here now, please open your eyes. I know you're very angry with me, pissed at me, you probably want to drown me in a pool of water, pinky promise, I'll voluntarily drown myself, wake up just once, please. You know I was so scared when I saw the blast news, I...I thought I'm going to lose you, but I forgot that my Anika is a fighter, she is a survivor. She is not hindered by all these stupid things. You are my Anika na, you are ziddi, very stubborn, you will do what you want. You are my jungli billi na, my Jhansi ki Rani, then why are you behaving like that...what you call me...beega..bheegu, no bheegi billi yeah bheegi billi. Only I have the right to become bheega billu before you, not you. "

He caressed her knuckles with his thumb. 

" You know Anika, after you left I realised what a Gadha Singh Oberoi I was. I kept running after the truth, the only thing that was left in my life, because you left me for that damned truth, but Anika I have decided that I don't want anything. I just want you, but with the amount of foolishness I have done, I don't know if I am even capable of looking into your eyes, but I just want to see you once, in the khidkitodh khoobsurat Anika avatar once. I have so much to say to you, so much to tell you, ask you, just wake up once dear. Om and Rudra have been bawling their heart out since you have been here, if not for me then for them please get up. I know you hate me now, but Rudra is your baccha na, please get up for him. He is waiting for you to wipe his tears, Om is waiting for you to listen to his beyond-comprehension shayaris and I am waiting Anika, for you. Just for you. I know you can hear me, and you love annoying me, that's why you are doing this. You never listen to me na, always do the opposite of what I ask you to do, but just listen to me this one time, please wake up."

He put his head on their hands and tears spilled out from his beautiful blue eyes, tears which he didn't know collected in those very eyes for this very soul. 

" Tum kehti ho na ki mai kabhi kuch nahi samajhta, bina kuch jaane boojhe bas tadi mei bol deta hoo, but ab mujhe sab samajh aa gaya hai Anika, ab koi tadi nahi hai, mai jaan chuka hoo ki mai tumhare bina nahi reh sakta, please please mujhe chodh ke mat jaao Anika, mai nahi reh paaunga. Mujhe kuch nahi chahiye Anika, bas tum chahiye. Paani phenko, daanto, kuch bhi karo, bas aise shant mat baitho Anika, please uth jaao."

He didn't even realize what all he said and when he started crying full-fledged. His tears were splattered on their hands and ran down the back of Anika's palm, leaving trail marks till her wrist. Realizing how the equation of their relationship had changed in the last few months, there was nothing in there that was comforting for Shivaay. Just the feel of Anika's hand in his, which felt exactly like it had three months ago, was a consolation that maybe, just maybe there was a little hope that things would become fine. 

Shivaay wiped his tears and carefully placing Anika's hand back at her side, he idly sat there, gathering everything into his mind. He didn't know what was going on, he was just desperate to see Anika in her normal state. 

He heard the door open and looked up. When Om poked his head in and called him out, he knew his time was up. 

Caressing her hair a last time with his lips in a tight line to control his sobs, he whispered,
"I'll be waiting, jaan."

And strode out of the room, turning back once at the door to give the lying soul one last glimpse. 

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I'm extremely sorry for disappearing like the wind, without any notice or anything. I'd been busy with my college admission and this pandemic hasn't been making things any easier. 

I also apologize for not being able to reply to the comments on the last chapter, I'll be doing that first thing after this. 

Also, I'm trying my best to get another chapter up by this week itself, I hope I don't disappoint ya'll. 

All those who were waiting for Shivaay's reaction after seeing Anika, sorry guys usse wait karna padega because I'm not ready for such an overwhelming chapter yet. Please mujhe Chameliyaan and tamatar mat maarna, thanks ! 😅

Please stay safe, healthy and have a positive mindset. We'll all be out of this horrible phase soon. 

Until next time, 
<3