The Photographer/Flowers | K.NJ x Reader

chapter - arborvitae

The Last Few Days

Things were going steady, Hoseok had moved in with Namjoon to make things easier. It also benefited both of them. With the end of our college years, everything also ended with a blur. Time went on and on. It was getting even more difficult to spend time with anybody outside my house. It was ridiculous. It felt as if Namjoon and I were in a long-distance relationship despite breathing the same air of Seoul.

Luckily, phones and internet connection existed, which made communication easier. We would ask about each other's health even if we didn't have the time to talk about situations deeply.

But what I feared the most was what creeping up to me.

Due to the lack of interaction, our relationship seemed to drift apart. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Namjoon had fallen out of love with me, I want the best for him, and if he decides to call things off, then I wouldn't mind. I would be hurt, of course, but I wouldn't act troubled.

He's the first person who has shown me a new side to love, and I'll never forget that. He's a very important part of my life that I think I'll never be over with.

He has been busy with all of his studies as well as his songwriting. He has revealed a few two songs to me, and they were all so lyrically powerful. If I could become his fan this instant, then I definitely would.

Hoseok would sometimes have to update me about Namjoon, I felt bad because I didn't want Hoseok to feel like a bridge but things were not the strongest in terms of feelings and I had no clue what Namjoon felt for me these days.

I was working on my homework and looking up workplaces for the future. Luckily, my family were supportive of what I had planned earlier and reassured me to help as much as possible, but I wanted to stand on my own toes and make them proud.

My phone rang, I reached for it sheepishly and almost fainted when I read "Macajoon" on the screen. I hit the green button, unlocking the beautiful voice of my boyfriend.

"Hi Y/N, how are you doing?" His voice sounded tired. Maybe he was working up on lyrics.

"I'm relieved now that I heard your voice," I replied. That made him laugh, I don't know why, but now that I realize it, I would reach the moon to hear his laugh again.

"C'mon, tell me your genuine feelings. I know you're feeling better now, but how were you feeling before hearing my voice?"

He knows... He knows too much.

"I don't know, I guess I was too busy thinking instead. I was feeling... thoughtful? Yeah, let's call it that."

"That's one way to describe it." He hummed from the other side. He stopped talking and let the silence talk instead. I was afraid that he was going to call things off, but I can't be sad, I'll have to respect his decision.

There were merely a few weeks left until we'd all part our ways and do something for our own good. I'm so excited yet so scared, what will become of my future, I don't know.

"Y/N...?" He asked, I couldn't detect how he was feeling, which made it even more disappointing.

"Yes, Namjoon?"

"Can we... can we meet more often?"

"Wh-what? Namjoon, you're busy—"

"Don't be like that, Y/N, you know you've been busy too. I.. I can't stand just listening to your voice whenever I want. I'm so greedy, I call you just for my own pleasure and then hang up when I'm busy. I don't want to be like that, I want to genuinely show you how much I admire and respect you. I shouldn't have treated you this way. You deserve so much better. I want to improve... let me.. let me love you more.. please.."

I couldn't process what he had just said. This was certainly not what I was expecting.. not in a million years. Why would he feel so apologetic over not getting the time to meet up? No, no, he's too nice. I don't deserve his kindness at all.

I don't.

"Namjoon.."

"We only have a few weeks left... until you and I, until all of us go on our own paths. I'll put all the work aside to cherish these last moments..... let me spend some time with you and show you a better side of me."

We both know our love for our career is stronger than what we have. Namjoon has had a passion for songwriting since he was in his teens, and I've wanted to become a/an (insert occupation) since God knows when and I can't miss this opportunity.

Our love was never this strong for each other but our own future.

"Let me know when you want to meet up." I decided to keep it short because I still had trouble taking in the fact that Namjoon thought talking to me through phone was selfish of me. What did I do to deserve this guy? Absolutely nothing.

Why is he making this departure so difficult?

Should I end things up with him?

Are you out of your goddamn mind?

He makes me want to stay more, I don't think I can handle separation from him anymore. I'll want him more and more every day. I'll never be able to fall in love again.

Let things be, and everything will eventually be alright.

What if it doesn't? What if I happen to make a bigger mess out of myself in front of him? What if I see his face and all the memories start flashing in front of me and I beg like a baby for him to never leave my side?

That'll not happen. You'll upset him more, and he'll regret leaving you. Be strong for him.

For him?

For him. For you. For us.

For us.

Let him shine. His future is more important. Don't give in.

Okay. I won't.

Good girl.