PERFECT PLACES

Jonathan (6)

I saw her again three days after our first date. And again two days later.

It's been three weeks now, and I see her almost every day. I think she could tell after a few dates that I wanted to see her as often as possible, as often as she wanted. She didn't seem to mind at all; she seemed to want to see me often too. So we ended up sharing our class schedules with each other, and that way we could find times to meet up most days. She reserved Friday nights to go out with her friend group, without me obviously, which was completely fine. I told her that my friends aren't the type to go out that much, but that I'd let her know if there was ever a conflict with the times we decided to meet. There never was of course; even if I did have people that I hung out with often, which I didn't, she would have immediately become my number one priority. Even though I didn't know anyone on my floor or in my classes or really at all, it was still obvious to me she was the best person at this college that I could have met, or that I could ever meet.

During the past month, I've left my room a few times late at night to walk near the water and listen to music. Whenever I do this, I usually see a variety of drunk students jumping off the pier. I couldn't even remotely relate to them: they were a different species than me, in a different realm of existence entirely. They would try back-flips and front-flips within inches of smashing their heads. I often hear drunk people in my building too. Most nights I will beat the drunk students in the contest to stay awake as late into the night as possible. I hear them through my headphones leaving at ten or eleven and returning, loudly and belligerently, at two or three. It was remarkable that they did it so many consecutive nights in a row without pause during the first weeks of classes. I stayed up until 3 or 4 every night, until meeting Jess, but I was only able to do so because all I did was sit in my room on my bed or at my desk. If I drank alcohol and walked around downtown and went to clubs, I would have become too exhausted to stay up late for so many consecutive nights in a row. But it seemed like people on my floor did this all the time. There has not been a single night that someone isn't being loud in the halls after midnight, and oftentimes I can recognize the same loud unfiltered voices each night.

I thought about going out once myself, when I was depressed about two weeks into classes. I wouldn't have left with anyone. But I would have bought alcohol and walked downtown and found one of the student clubs and I would have gotten in line and tried to start talking to people around me, and then once I was inside I would have hopefully been drunk enough to dance or socialize somehow. I'm definitely someone who would enjoy being drunk a lot. If I could lose my inhibitions and let the repetitive loops seep out of my brain, I would probably be a pretty fun and sociable person. I think if I had enough money, I would get drunk every night, just like the other students. Even if I didn't end up going out, I would be drunk and creative and sociable and I would take risks and go talk to other people on my floor, rather than the alternative. Because my obsessions would mean nothing, they would be useless and complicated formulations that my brain would not be able to comprehend anymore. But I'm talking about these things as if they could actually happen. Of course in reality I didn't ever get drunk and I've never been to a club and I haven't talked to anyone on my floor. I've stayed sober in my room and thought about it a lot though; obsessed about it even.

But none of that matters, now that I'm with Jess. We actually aren't technically dating yet. But I was planning to ask her soon to be my girlfriend. I didn't want to ask her too soon and be too forward or weird about it. I want it to happen naturally. We are definitely acting in many ways like we are already dating, though. We've gone for a picnic, we've told each other secrets, we've even held hands on the campus streets. We've touched each other too. We kiss at least once every time we see each other. She wants to take things slow in that respect, but I am okay with however she wants to take things. I love the way she approaches our relationship. Everything is all at once and everything is at the same time paced, slowed, given time to grow. I think my obvious inclination toward wanting to see her for every second of my day influences how we act too. She probably wouldn't have been as obvious about her desire to see me, but once she realized how often I wanted to see her she began to bring her guard down and admit that she wanted to see me often too.