PERFECT PLACES

Cole (4)

The morning after, he started thinking about Sarah. He started thinking about how stupid he was and how much he regretted what he had done. How disappointed she would be if he ever told her.

He also felt really sad in general. He felt like yesterday's happiness, the thrill of the moment, had sucked everything out of him. He had traded everything he would have had today to yesterday's adventures.

It had made him feel so happy. He had experienced a rush like nothing he could have ever felt or would ever feel sober. They had gone to the club and danced for hours. He doesn't remember if his dancing had been even remotely mediocre. It didn't matter.

He loved it.

He didn't know what else to say about it - the experience was indescribable - but he assured me it was something he would remember forever. He explained to me that no book or blog or movie about it could ever convey in words what he had felt. That nothing I could write down for him could ever do it justice. It was a feeling that could only be felt as it coursed through the body and penetrated the soul. It had found him; he had found it. It had made him feel like a completely different person. He had been above and beyond everything. He had been on top of the world, lightyears away. He had felt amazing. He had felt good about himself.

He ended up making some memories, but at first he wasn't sure if they were the right ones. If they would end up being the ones that he'd look back on fondly, years later. If he'd end up being even remotely proud of them.

Of course he had loved it. But he still didn't know, the morning after doing it, if it had been worth doing. Because that entire next day, he felt worthless. He felt depressed. Sarah was going to be there in ten days. He didn't think he would be able to keep the secret from her for that long.

...

Despite the mixed feelings after the experience, Cole continued to hang out with his new group of friends. They were wild, and Cole was adapting to their ways in order to fit into this new group.

They did other drugs, often. Cole decided that until Sarah got back and he'd talked to her, he wouldn't try any other new ones. He decided that weed was fine, for the time being.

So Cole started smoking weed every day. He smoked every night that first weekend. When Monday came around, Cole started smoking right after his classes ended, without a second thought. It was a perfect way to end his first day of college classes, he figured. It continued on Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday. It helped to keep out of his mind the alarming fact that he had to soon tell Sarah about what he had done. He knew that he was going to eventually tell her; it was impossible to keep anything from her. Their relationship was too transparent, too healthy and honest.

Cole, Kyle, Caleb, Lisa, Abbey and Jessica all went out clubbing again on Friday night. Kyle and Cole and Lisa and Abbey all snorted more cocaine, all of them paying Caleb this time. Cole and Jessica both opted out. Cole decided to actually use the alcohol that he had bought with his parents this time instead. Jessica got drunk too.

He had six shots and two beers in the span of 45 minutes. For him, this was quite a lot. By the time he got up out of his bean bag chair to walk to the bars, he felt incredibly dizzy and buzzed. He managed to make it to the club, though, and he danced for hours again with his new group of friends.

The next day, Cole was very hungover. He puked four times before lunch. He stayed in bed for the afternoon with a blaring headache.

Once he was feeling okay enough to socialize, Cole immediately hopped out of his bed and went to Caleb and Kyle's room. He had promised to do brownies with them that afternoon and he wasn't going to refuse the chance. He found them and took a substantial portion of the edibles, then sat in the bean bag chair for the entire evening while Caleb played an electronic music playlist and he and Kyle played video games on his TV.

Cole already had a lot of anxiety about his school work. It was already starting to get ahead of him, and it had only been a week. He knew it was his fault, but that didn't change the fact that he felt a need to smoke every day. He got excited about doing it, every day, around lunch, and thought about it all afternoon, sometimes forgetting to listen during his lectures as a result. He loved the feeling of being high. He loved the relaxation and the conversation and the food and the creative urges and the giggling. And the distraction.

Cole smoked with his friends, every day, for nine days straight.

Until one night, at 12:30 AM, when he realized that Sarah's flight was landing at 8:30 AM the next morning. And like that, reality came back to him; the sober, real life that he had decided to forget about for a short while. It was back, and it gave Cole a deep and dark feeling in his stomach. He knew it was going to stay there until he admitted what he had done wrong to the love of his life.