Watching a Silent Dawn

Richie Spills The Beans

"Wha- what do you mean Clarissa isn't the only one? Do you guys like, have a secret sibling or something that I don't know about? Rich, please, just tell me what's wrong." Eddie had pleaded. Richie looked at him and took a deep breath. He looked down at his phone and typed out a new message for Eddie to read. Can we go to your place? I need to tell you something important. "Oh, um, yeah of course. C'mon let's go." Eddie stood up from the bench they were sitting on and reached a hand out to Richie. He took it and together they walked hand-in-hand to Eddie's house where Richie would unload whatever was making him act the way he was. As they walked, Eddie wondered about what was so important about Clarissa that it made Richie have an anxiety attack in the middle of a park full of kids. He turned his head to look at Richie who was frowning and lost in thought. Eddie ignored the electricity he felt from holding Richie's hand and squeezed it in reassurance. He watched as Richie's face relaxed, and turned to smile at Eddie while returning the simple gesture. "You okay Chee?" Eddie had asked, and all Richie did was smile wistfully and turned to look ahead. Eddie frowned.

~

The duo had arrived at Eddie's house and after saying a quick hello to Eddie's dad Frank, they went upstairs to Eddie's room. Eddie sat down on his bed and looked at Richie who was sitting on the ground in front of Eddie. "Okay Richie, we're here now, so you can tell me whatever it is you need to tell me. I promise I won't make fun of you or Clarissa or anything like that. I swear." Richie looked up at Eddie for a second and then got on the bed next to him. He opened his mouth for only a moment before closing it and frowning. He turned to face Eddie and grabbed his hands. Eddie could see the struggle on his face and tried to offer some help. "Hey, hey, don't put pressure on yourself to try to speak. You don't have to if you don't want to or if you can't. Don't push yourself, Chee. Hey maybe we can try sign language like we've been practicing? That could be a good start." Richie thought about it for a minute before nodding his head yes.

Eddie smiled. "Okay great. Look I'll start for you." He then signed to Richie in ASL. What's on your mind Richie? What's making you so worked up? Richie took a minute to translate in his head before signing back. I want to tell you about why I don't speak and what caused it but I can't just sign it to you. I can't tell it to you without talking. Eddie reached over and gently stroked Richie's hand for a minute before responding. Whatever it is that happened to make you the way you are, I don't care. I like you just the way you are and I don't want you pushing yourself to do something that you obviously can't or won't do. Richie's heart leaped at such kindness and acceptance, but it only lasted for a second. Richie needed to tell Eddie. He needed to get it all out and tell Eddie about the horrible ghost of his past that haunted him every single day, every waking moment. He wanted to tell Eddie. So he could let him know that he has his complete trust. He just didn't know how. Richie closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before signing back. No, you don't understand. This is something I want to do, something I have to do. Talking is the hard part. Eddie, I haven't spoken a single word in 4 years.

Eddie's breathing stopped for a second in his confusion and shock. In the moment, he completely forgot that they were practicing signing and just spoke his confusion. "Wait you- are- I- what? You haven't spoken in 4 years?" Richie shook his head. Eddie continued. "So, let me get this straight. You want to tell me why you don't talk and what happened that made you go quiet, but you can't tell me your story unless you actually speak, but you can't speak even though you really want to. I miss anything?" Richie just shook his head again and signed for a glass of water. "Yeah sure, be back in a sec." Eddie said and headed downstairs to his kitchen. While Eddie was fetching him water, Richie took the break to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to attempt. He was going to try to speak for the first time in 4 years. He didn't know how well it was going to go, but he was definitely going to try for Eddie's sake. Eddie soon returned with the glass of water for Richie and sat down in the same place next to him. "Rich, are- are you one hundred percent sure you want to try this? I just don't want you to push yourself too far." Eddie asked. Richie nodded his head yes and offered his open hand as a question. Eddie smiled gently and held his hand. "You can do this Chee, I believe in you." With that, Richie drank the water and prepared himself to speak. He wasn't going to try anything more than a whisper unless he really felt that he could do it.

He opened his mouth, and uttered a very rough and scratchy, barely audible "hey". Eddie gasped and had a gigantic grin on his face. "Oh my god, Richie! You did it! You really fucking did it! I'm so proud of you Chee, really!" Eddie was smiling and laughing and gripped Richie's hands harder in encouragement. Richie coughed and then smiled even wider than Eddie and reached over to tightly hug Eddie. After a minute he let go and grabbed Eddie's hands again, this time with a grim and dark look on his face, like he hadn't slept at all for the past 4 years. Eddie noticed the change and got worried. "Are you sure you wanna do this? I don't want you to ruin your voice, Rich." Richie just shook his head in disagreement. "No, I have to, I- I need to." He croaked out in a slow and cracked whisper. Eddie nodded solemnly. "Okay, I'll be here listening." Richie cleared his throat before speaking again in that slow and cracked whisper. "Clarissa isn't the only one. She's a twin. 4 years ago, me, her, and her sister An-An-Anastasia-" Richie's voice stuttered when he spoke his sister's name and tears began to silently trickle down his face. "All 3 of us snuck out to the carnival down where we were living at the time while our parents were at work. I stole money from their room so we could afford tickets to use on stuff there.

3 hours later and we were having a great time, but we ran out of tickets and money. Both me and Clarissa were tired and- and ready to go home, but A-Anastasia wanted to play more games. I told her we ha-had nothing left and that we needed to go home, but she-she wouldn't listen to me. So she ran off. We spent the rest of the day looking for her, but couldn't find he-her. Eventually I saw this clown with weird red hair and a smile like the- the Joker's and I asked if he'd seen her and all he did was laugh and po-point to the nearby river." Richie stopped. He couldn't do it anymore. He drank more water and turned away from Eddie, pulling his knees up to his chest as he silently cried. And then it finally clicked in Eddie's mind. He gasped and slapped his hand over his mouth. "You- you found her in the river didn't you?" Eddie whispered through his mouth. All Richie did was nod.

"Oh my god, Chee come here, come on." Eddie pulled him into a tight hug with Richie's head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Chee, I'm so sorry you guys had to go through that, I'm so so sorry." Richie cried while whispering his next sentence. "I could've saved her. It was my fault. It was all my fault." Eddie closed his own eyes and continued to console Richie. "No, Rich, it isn't. It isn't your fault at all. You couldn't have known that was going to happen, so how could you have stopped it? It's not your fault, I promise." Richie sniffled. "I stopped talking because what I said to her is what caused her to run off and- and- I feel shitty about it every single day. It makes me feel like I'm some horrible monster of a person." Eddie reached up a hand and started to softly pet Richie's head. "No Chee, you're not a horrible monster. In fact, you're the opposite. You are an amazing person who makes me laugh every time I see you. You always make sure everyone in the group is included when we're doing stuff, and you make everyone else laugh too. You're kind and considerate, especially when you walk me home from just about everywhere, you even walk me to school in the mornings even though you do online school and don't have to be up so early. Rich, you are one of the best friends I ever could've asked for, you're my best friend and I am thankful for that every day. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised all the girls in town haven't thrown themselves at you, you do have the workings of a ladies man."

Eddie said the last bit with a smile, feeling only a lot wistful that Richie was probably straight and would probably freak out and shut Eddie out if he ever knew about his feelings for him. Richie sat up at that. His voice, although just a little bit ruined from the crying, his voice did sound less rough and scratchy through the whisper that he'd yet to rise above. "You- you really think so?" Richie asked timidly. "Yes dude! You could totally get anyone in town if you really wanted. I mean it." Eddie laughed. Richie decided to make a bold and daring move. "What- what if I already know who I want? What if I already like someone? Someone who's.... someone who's really good friends with me? Someone you might know." Eddie just smiled and grabbed Richie's hand and squeezed it. "I'm sure whoever it is will be perfect for you, and if not, I'll kick their ass. I'm the king at school, remember?" Both Richie and Eddie just laughed as they fell into each other and holding on for support. Turns out what had started as an emotionally charged, heartbroken confession had changed into a self-confidence boost and secret hints towards each other being made. Both of the boys could barely remember that the whole ordeal had started out tense and emotional when they were laughing their asses off at nothing, and holding hands for "support".