💜Shinkami oneshots💛

Angst

⚠️ Quick warning before you read further ⚠️
This oneshot has a panic attack towards the ending, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, don't read this

Shinsou sat on the roof of the 1A dorm building, his legs dangling off the side. He leaned his head back, sighing softly as the wind gently tousled his hair. He lay down and folded his arms behind his head. He sat there for hours, just watching the stars cross the sky.

This was his favourite time of night. It allowed him to escape for a while. It allowed him to pretend like he was someone better than he was. Someone who deserved to be in the hero course.

He had almost fallen asleep when he heard the door open. Sitting up quickly, he twisted his body around to see who it was.

Kaminari stood in the doorway, just staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Shinsou lay back down, closing his eyes and folding his hands on his stomach. "It's late. You should be asleep."

"Um." Kaminari said, and then mentally slapped himself for being so awkward around his crush. "Just...couldn't sleep. But yeah, it is pretty late. Why are you up here? You're gonna catch a cold in this breeze." He walked over to where Shinsou was and sat down.

The boy hesitated, trying to decide if he could tell Kaminari the truth. "I'm escaping."

"What do you mean?"

"Y'know. Escaping. Trying to forget." he shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. "Escaping from my friends. My family. My feelings..." His eyes slid open, scanning back and forth across the sky. "It's so clear tonight. The stars are beautiful."

The other boy winced and tugged at his collar. Sure, he'd felt bad before, but never like this. "Do you think...maybe it's just too much socializing for you? I know the people in our class can be a lot."

"Mmm. Everyone in our class is so...emotional. It's exhausting. Emotions are so distracting."

"Uh...well yeah, some of them can be pretty emotional...but they're not a distraction. Even if you don't want to be my friend, I'm still gonna keep trying." Kaminari smiled down at the boy next to him, who didn't respond. "You know... friends are supposed to be there for you and stick around even if you let them down. And if they don't, they were never worth your time. Honestly, having a friend or two wouldn't hurt, Shinsou. Even if they were just to train with. You don't have to open up about all your emotions. Just the natural ones..." He slowly reached out to take Shinsous hand.

The boy quickly stood up, avoiding Kaminaris eyes. "We can't be friends." He stated simply. It hurt him to say that, but it would hurt even more when they eventually parted ways. So it was better like this. At least, that's what he told himself. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked towards the door.

"Hey man, I never said I would force you to be my friend." Kaminari laughed a little as he stood up. "I know I'm not the most ideal person to be around. Just, please take my advice. Don't hide the natural emotions. It's unhealthy." he managed to catch up to Shinsou and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Stop making this harder than it has to be." Shinsous voice was cold and distant.

"Oh, come on, man! Why don't you want friends? You really don't seem like a horrible person..." He desperately searched for a way to keep Shinsou from leaving. He wasn't ready for the night to end, and he definitely wasn't going to let it end like this. "Come on...you don't really want to leave. You and me...we can just sit in silence...please?"

Shinsou stood for a moment, staring at his hand gripping the doorknob. He knew the shorter boy was right. He didn't want to leave. But if he stayed, he would have to answer Kaminaris question. He took a shaky breath as he turned around. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but his face remained emotionless. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. "I don't make friends because...I'm terrified of getting hurt again." He looked down at his feet. Why was he being so emotionally vulnerable? "All my life, people have tormented me for my quirk. Told me I could never be a hero with a quirk like that. So...I made it my goal to get into UAs hero course and become the best hero in the world. Obviously, that didn't quite work out at first. I failed the physical exam and got shoved into General Studies." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. "You know, I fucking hated you back then. I mean, not just you, but everyone in 1A and 1B. Especially Midoriya. He was born with a heroic quirk. He never knew what it was like to struggle. He...I...I resented him. He was exactly like all the people who bullied me in elementary and middle school. All of you. With your perfect...fucking quirks. It would be so easy for you to become a hero. So I just...I promised myself I would never become friends with any of you. I believed that once you found out about my quirk, you'd make fun of me. Just like everyone else." he was trembling at this point, clenching his fists and doing everything he could to not break down crying right then and there.

Kaminari was shocked by Shinsous tears and his rant. Carefully taking the boy in his arms, he attempted to comfort him. He would often get bullied as well, but never as bad as what Shinsou had just described to him. He couldn't imagine being called villainous, especially for something they had no control over. It made him angry, but he suppressed his emotions for a moment so he could comfort the mess in his arms. "Shinsou...not everyone is like that, you know. I...I promise that I will never make you feel that way with any of my words or actions...please let me be your friend, Shinsou. I can't let you be alone like this...I want to be there for you when you're in need."

Shinsou took a couple deep breaths, not entirely knowing what to do. And all of a sudden, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He broke down crying, falling to his knees on the concrete. Years and years of bottled up emotions came out all at once. He clutched at his hair, shaking his head and trying to stop himself from crying. Every time he tried to speak, the words got caught in his throat and he ended up hiccuping, which only made him cry more.

Kaminari pulled Shinsous hands away from his head so he wouldn't hurt his scalp. His chest hurt immensely seeing the boy cry, but he managed to remain calm. "Hey, shh, shh...you're going to be alright. You don't have to feel like this anymore. You don't have to feel like the world is against you." He cooed softly.

Shinsou began hyperventilating as Kaminari stroked his hair. He clutched at his chest, feeling like his heart was about to beat right out of his chest. His eyes darted around the roof, looking for a way out. When he didn't find one, he simply squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them again, he would be back in bed. A panic attack. He was having a panic attack. He mentally slapped himself for not being able to hold it in. He groaned a little, leaning over and clutching at his stomach. He desperately wanted to be held and told that he was loved, but was too terrified to ask for it.

Kaminari cursed under his breath. A friend of his back in middle school would often have attacks like this. He carefully pulled the boy into his lap and held onto him. "Shinsou. Whenever you're ready, just tell me what you need. I'm here to help you through this.

Shinsou clutched at the back of his new friend's shirt. It helped to ground him and remind him of where he was. A minute later, he was still hyperventilating a little, but he had clearly calmed down. He buried his face in Kaminaris chest. "I...I just need you to hold me."

"Of course." Kaminari smiled softly and rubbed the boys back. Shinsou loved how gentle he was, and he desperately wanted more.

They sat there for a long time, Kaminaris arms wrapped tightly around Shinsous waist. After a long time, Shinsou lifted his head slightly, sniffing the air. "It's raining. We should go back inside." He slowly stood up, and the other boy realized he was right. Dark clouds had rolled in while the two were talking, and light raindrops fell, splashing where they landed.

Kaminari got up and followed his new friend inside. "Hey...Shinsou. Do you want to come stay with me tonight? I'd feel better if you were near me."

Shinsou simply nodded his head. His eyes were closed as he slowly walked down the stairs. Kaminari took his hand so he wouldn't bump into the walls, leading the taller boy back to his room.

They lay down on the bed together, Shinsous head buried in the crook of Kaminaris neck.

The rain pounded against the rooftop, lulling the boys into a sense of calm.

Kaminari had never liked the dark or the silence that often came with it, but with Shinsou cradled in his arms, it was alright.

Eventually, Shinsou broke the silence, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"Thank you...for everything."