36th Petal: If I could..

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"Okay so our Niall princess here have some surprise for us!" Liam announced.

"Yeah and in the process, we wouldn't be taking any request from you guys for now." Harry said.

"But it's okay. At least, we all get to sing a song! Though only Nialler will be singing a full song, we will also sing a song of our choice." Louis piped in immediately.

"You guys seem to like us doinga cover anyway." Liam said jokingly.

"Okay stop rambling now lads, let Niall nail it!" Zayn said and the nhe suddenly laughed. "Huh, see what I did there? See? See? I'm such a genius!"

We all just made a face at him and Harry said, "It's not funny Z."

Zayn frowned at us and chased us around until I brought up both of my hands in surrender and he left me in peace. "Sorry Ni, you can sing now!" He apologized. I just laughed at him and the band started to play.

"So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face.." 

This is my last concert.

"If a great wave shall fall
It'd fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?" 

The last time that I'm gonna be up here in the stage with these four wonderful boys.

"If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.." 

The last time I'm gonna be able to hear the fans screaming...

"And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days.." 

The last time I'm gonna feel this adrenaline rush..

"If a great wave shall fall
It'd fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you.."

Wishful thinking, yes, but I wish I had more time to spend with them... Especially Louis.

"If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.." 

How will they react? How will Louis react? Will they or he be angry? Disappointed? Sad? ..... Happy?

"Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love.." 

I just wish they'd be able to understand me... Why I did this. Why it all led to this. 

"I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time.." 

I feel like I'm disappointing the old Niall and I just really feel this kind of sad wherein you want to cry but you just can't. I can't explain it. I don't understand it. And that's... that's what's really sad you know, not knowing how or why you're feeling like this. Like you can't describe the feeling because you're being overwhelmed by it.

"If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go.."

I can't even cry just to lessen the pain I'm feeling. I can't even scream. I don't have energy to do anything anymore. All I know is I'm sad. And I'm hurt. And in pain. And guilty because I'm gonna hurt other people again. Is this what all I am? A walking pain giver?

"If I could turn back time.." 

I'm sorry Liam.

"I'll go wherever you will go.."

I'm sorry Zayn.

"If I could make you mine.."

I'm sorry Haz.

"I'll go wherever you will go.."

I'm sorry Lou.

"I'll go wherever you will go.." 

But my time's just... up.

~**~ 

I glanced one more time at Lou Teasdale, Paul, Jon, Jaden and Judielle's face. Lou is just pretending to be busy with her kit, Paul is sighing and repeatingly running his right hand on his face, Jon is looking at me with pity while Judielle and Jaden is looking down. I can already hear the boys' voices down the hall so I sighed. Smiled at them (though only Jon is looking at me) and put on my backpack and snapback.

"Say goodbye to them for me, yeah?"

And I took off for the night.

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A/N

Sorry I haven't posted it the last time. My exams got in the way so yeah. One more day and one more exam and hell days are over. Oh this story is soon to be over too :)

Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors. 

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