Forget Me Not (Nouis)

20th Petal: Srsly? F*ck Me.

I'm currently in the hospital right now. Mum said that Dr. Richards told her that I should go and have myself checked up before going and participating in another concert. Apparently, the staffs called her the same night, the same hour of my breakdown and she immediately called the doctor.

And now I'm here. I'm doing good actually. I remembered all the 20 words Dr. Howard (my new doctor; a neuropsychologist) made me remember. He also showed me pictures and I also remembered them.

"You're doing good Niall."

"Yeah. I guess so."

He smiled a little at me and stood up. He grabbed something from his desk and came back sitting in front of me.

"So Dr. Richards didn't really elaborated to you what happened, yes?"

"Uhm. Kinda. I still don't fully understand it yet and I didn't had the time because of you know..."

"Yes. Yes. Well, you see Niall you're suffering a severe focal retrogade amnesia. It's very unsual actually."

He shifted on his seat leaning back. "When your head hit the windshield, your brain was thrown around inside your skull and a small part twitched. It was altered. Twisted. And the result may have damaged your memories' storage or it damaged your ability to retrieve memories. It means that, the storage is there, intact. But you can't open the door of that storage."

I'm looking at him as he is saying this and his eyes are shining brightly, obviously excited about this information he's giving to me. As if he's the one who's learning. Pfft.

"Can't you do anything? Like, anything? Hit me in the head or give me an electric shock maybe?"

He laughed, amused by what I said. "Contrary to popular belief Mr. Horan, hitting an amnesiac on their head does nothing to make them remember their memories."

"Right." I said and sighed.

I feel so restless. It's like I don't have any chance to remember it all again. This is so fucked up. I am so fucked up.

"By the way Niall, you're here by yourself? Don't you have anyone to accompany you? Maybe one of the boys."

"Ah, no. When our concert last night was done, I just got a meal and a coffee somewhere and drove here immediately. I didn't brought one of them since they're all tired."

The boys. They're okay right? I bet they're all sleeping right now. Besides, I texted Paul.

"And it's just 4:57 am right now. I admit I was surprised when Dr. Richards called me last night and you at midnight asking if I have time to see you as soon as possible. You haven't had any sleep yet?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. None."

"It's okay. But you should've had some sleep. It might have improved your results earlier. A mind that is well rested corresponds better."

I looked at him sheepishly and smiled. "Sorry. Just really you know, excited to see you. I just thought you might have some idea about this, on how to fix it..."

He smiled at me apologetically. "All we can do is wait. Which is why I'm asking if you're with someone right now. To give some directions and knowledge maybe about your condition."

I waved my right hand and said, "Nah. Just tell me, I'll tell them."

"Okay Niall, I know Dr. Richards told you that you shouldn't be bombarded with questions and people trying to make you remember things but it's quite alright now."

"Okay. But what about the thing that happened to me in the concert last night?"

"But not to that extent. Though since it was done I think you'll get used to it now, just give it time. And take it in slowly."