Forget Me Not (Nouis)

42nd Petal: Forgiveness

I blinked. And blinked. And blinked. Furiously. I'm trying really hard not to let tears escape my eyes as I remembered what happened three days ago. Louis left. And he told me to just stay away. Go away. I don't know, I can't remember exactly.. Leave him alone, maybe. My memory is blurry, just like my eyes right now. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck that candlelight dinner. Fuck Styles. Fuck Louis. 

My ringtone blasted all throughout my living room for the hundredth time this morning. Crissy and the others had been trying to reach me. They still don't know what happened and I'm not planning on telling them any sooner. I mean, I've been isolating myself. Is't that enough reason for them to connect point one and point two and arrive with the conclusion that it didn't ended well and I have to be left alone? They shoud be more sensitive. But nooooo, instead of leaving me in my own misery just like how I always wanted, they kept on buggering me. They also kept knocking on my door yesterday but I ignored them and they just assumed that I'm not at home. Ha, lucky me.

I looked at the screen of my phone and saw that Ashton had been the one calling me. I lay down on my couch and scrolled through my Twitter feed again for a few minutes before realizing my mistake; the reason why I've been hiding in the world is right here, on Twitter, on my TL. The picture. I almost threw my phone out of frustrationwhen I saw again the pictures and tweets but decided against it. It still cost a lot and I'm not the one to waste money especially when I know a lot of people are on the streets without food, clothing and proper shelter.

You see, the last time I saw Louis, tears were running down on his cheeks. Hurt, frustration, regret and anger are all over his face and if that doesn't mean he still haven't moved on yet, then I don't know what the hell does that mean. But then the very next day, the very next fucking day, him and Eleanor announced THEIR FUCKING ENGAGEMENT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF LOUIS' GOAL IS TO KILL ME WITH A HEARTACHE THEN CONGRATULATIONS TO HIM BECAUSE HE FUCKING SUCCEEDED.

Louis Fucking Tomlinson even tweeted a picture of them being cute and cuddly and, and.. and kissing... That's when all hell broke lose. And that's also the last time I felt hope for us to be together again. Sure, Liam told me that their relationship is not real but... Will they really go that far to the point that they will announced to the whole world that they're already planning on marrying each other? Like, sure there will may or may not be a lot of money there but I don't think a woman like Eleanor would stoop that low just for money. Women still have respectfor themselves right? And the way how other people talk about her, yes I can say that she do have a respect for herself. And she's a really good friend to Louis. Maybe she was there when Louis was lonely and I don't know, maybe they fell in love or something...

I growled in frustration, why do I keep torturing myself?

My phone started to ring again and this time I answered without looking at the screen to know who's calling. I'm sure it's just Crissy or Ashton again.

"Hey, hi, hello Crissy or Ashton or whoever you are I just want you to know that yes I'm still alive but I am barely breathing and hell i think that would be good lyrics for a song please call The Script immediately I want them to sing this because they're legends as fuck and if it's you Crissy no I'm not procrastinating I actually just composed another song- aside from the one I said earlier- right in this very minute, wanna hear it?"

I didn't heared anything except heavy breathing  to which I frowned, "Hey are you listening? Okay fine. Hear it okay?"

I cleared my throat and started to sing, my voice sounding unsure because I'm still trying to decide how this will sound. "I know.. Wait, I'll just recite it, yeah? I stil ldon't know how this will sound." I didn't wait for the other person's confirmation and just started to talk. "I know I did some things that I never should. I'd undo them if I could. I'd turn my life around for you.."