Forget Me Not (Nouis)

43rd Petal

Liam, Zayn and Harry left Louis and I alone in teh room and suddenly I felt like the walls are closing on me and my claustraphobia kicks in. I breathed in and out to calm myself.

"Niall, are you okay?"

I ignored Louis and continued to inhale and exhale, I don't want to this to get worse. It's already embarrassing enough to have a panic attack in front of him. I sat on the couch looked outside, reminding myself that I am not caged in this room.

"Niall, hey, are you okay?"

This time, I looked at Louis. "Yepp, I'm fine."

He let out a sigh of relief and sat in front of me.

"What do you wanna talk about Louis?"

I embraced myself with whatever he's about to say. I'm pretty sure it's not something good anyway.

"I wanna tell you that I... I'm sorry for leaving you the last time."

I shook my head lightly. "Nah, it's okay. I understand... I mean I don't know exactly why you did that but yeah, understandable."

Very understandable Louis. 

"No it's not. It eas rude. And I wanna tell you why I did that."

"Okay then, go on."

He shuffled on his seat, like he's nervous to say what he's about to say. "It was like.. like the first ever date you took me back then. The very exact."

Oh.

"A candlelight dinner at the beach. Zayn and Harry as the waiter. Liam playing the piano. The, the song he played... It was all the same and I know you don't remember that and I know you didn't do that because you want to hurt me but at the moment I wans't so rational especially when I heard the music. It felt like you were torturing me emotionally and mentally..."

He heaved a sigh and covered his face with bot hof his hands.

"That date made me realize that however I want to, to bring back the past I can't. And it fucking hurts."

And then he started to cry. Louis is crying. In front of me. I don't know if I should go over to him and hug him and say sweet nothings to him and tell him everything's gonna be okay and I really want to do it but just like how I felt before, I felt invasive. Like I can't do that, I'm not allowed to do those things. So instead I satyed on my seat and placed my right hand on his right knee.

"It's okay-"

"It's not, Niall," hicupped. "Because I proposed to Eleanor. I fucking proposed to her because I was so angry at you and I wanna get back to you and I don't even know why I was so mad at you in the first place! And Eleanor knows what we're having is just a fake relationship but at that moment, I promised her everything Niall... Including the one where I will teach myself how to love her and that I will never, ever leave her."

My jaw tightened and I felt tears prickling on my eyes but I stopped myself. This isn't the time to break down, Louis needs me. Control yourself Niall. Control.

"She is too good Ni. Too good to be led on like that..."

We stayed quiet after that, with Louis' occasional hicupping. I drew back my hand on his knee and sat straight, looking out the window.

Life is unfair isn't it?

"What do you wanna do Louis?" I asked after sometime. i just can't stand this silence. It's too... deafening.

He looked at his hands now clasped together before answering. "I don't know."

And this is when it all dawned on me; Louis wants me to decide for him.