𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘢 • 𝘱.𝘴

12; Laurens

"I bet i'm the last person you want to hear about right now"
After the incident with Alex, he pretends nothing happened between us that night, and I silently followed. After Eliza had walked in on us, Alexander went after her, leaving me in the bathroom. I didn't know what to do, so I just went downstairs and sat on the couch and hoped for the best outcome. I guess Alex had gave up, because then he came and on the other side of the couch from me. We sat in awkward silence.

I actually believed the possibility that we would suffer no consequences for a few moments until Angelica marched towards us, a look of unimaginable fury in her eyes. I knew she was going to yell and make a scene, but my main concern was the chance of her outing me to the school. I had just managed to slip in with the homophobic yet popular crowd, and if they know they would kill me.

"Angelica please-" I started, but she had slapped me, which had brought back an awful memory that shut me up quickly. I ended up zoning out for most of her very public lecture due to the memory. I didn't want to think about it but it wouldn't go away. I hated this!
I tried to get up, to walk away, but there i sat, frozen in remembrance. the memory was of my father calling me a rainbow of slurs, and ultimately physically abusing me.

As Angelica was humiliating Alexander, her phone began to ring. We watched her face drop, and so did her phone. "What's wrong?" Alex and I asked in unison. "Peggy is missing," she answered. the crowd around us burst into conversation as Alex and I made frantic eye contact.

The party eventually kept going, with Angelica running out of Mulligan's house and Alex going home. I ended up just walking home by myself, which brings me where i am right now: sitting at home alone with the feeling of self loathing and bloody wrists. these past few days have been a painful cycle of losing popularity, being ignored by Alexander, and getting my ass beat by the people i once called friends. Alex pretended I didn't exist, Laf and Mulligan don't speak to me, Eliza and Angelica have been a trainwreck, and made their hatred for me very public, James Reynolds has been beating me up everyday, and my life has been completely ruined. although completely agonizing, i knew this wasn't going fast enough for me, so i reaches for the next thing, my brother's bottle of Xanax medication. This will make me just fall asleep, right?

I think I took most of the container, because in a matter of seconds i felt overwhelmingly tired.
I placed my note next to me, and began panicking. Why did I do this? I don't want to die. I have so much to live for. I forced my eyelids open as i heaved my body up and began dialing 911. 9... 1.... my finger felt heavier and heavier. 1...
"911, how can i help you?"
with all the air in my lungs, i managed to whisper, "help" before everything went black, and i fell to my bedroom floor with a thud.