dear jaehyun ii

"was that a dream?"

dear jaehyun,

after what i told you,

with concrete evidence,

you still chose her and

you defended her.

do you know what broke my heart most?

when you said, "get lost stranger,".

i felt like a nobody.

-

she grabbed her heart, winced by the pain. she flopped to the cold, hard, ground all by herself. with everyone staring at her, throwing daggers at her. she cried silently. no one was there for her anymore. not even the guy she liked, who left her for another idealistic girl. she wailed loudly, her heart broke immensely into pieces. nothing could be changed.

'he was gone,' that's what she thought.

she trudged home wearily, with her bag carried on one side of her shoulder, with the heavy downpour that soaked her miserably. her tears were drowned by the rain. all eyes were on her, alone and pathetic walking unsheltered. she was the only one there for her, herself. she sought for comfort all alone. 'you'll get through this' she whispered brokenly.

she stopped in her tracks and looked up, to see the boy who crushed her. he stood in front of her, with an umbrella on hand. he inched forward, to cover her. she flinched, and threw the umbrella down the road. she screamed.

she screamed in pain. she began to be disgusted just by looking at his face. he stood there, quiet and still. nothing he do could calm her broken heart. he would have apologised, but he didn't know what to apologise for. for not liking her back? for falling in love with her half-sister? what should he apologised for? he didn't know either.

she looked up once again, to see that awfully remorseful face of his. she wanted to erase everything, everything she had of him. from the day she first met him, the first time they studied. everything. he was her first crush, her first friend. most importantly, he was her first love.

she knows that she can't bring him back into her life, all the more due to her sister. she knows that deep down in her heart, she loved him the most and that was one thing for sure.

'jaehyun,

i hope you're happier

happier

without

me'

she gave her last glance, before brushing past him and ran back home with so much hurt. she didn't deserve it. she told herself that. yet, she loved him so much, that she couldn't hate him.

-

i woke up in an abrupt state. my face wet with tears. sweat overwhelmed me like buckets. what on earth was that? what was that dream? i reached out for my phone.

03:19

in the wee hours of the morning, an unpleasant dream drew by like a storm. it got my head spinning. were my memories returning? suddenly? i just couldn't understand it. was it just an ordinary dream? or was it an actual incident?

i got up from my bed and began ransacking my untouched bookshelves for clues, or something that could lead to my past. god, help me please.

i reached out to my highest shelf, and a book dropped on the top of my head. i lost my balance and fell from my stool. my body dropped on the floor helplessly. i extended my arm to get a hold of the book. then, darkness.