dear jaehyun ii

"you lied!"

dear jaehyun,

you're only here for a week

but it felt like more than eternity.

why are you making me feel this way?

eomma always told me

not to fall in love with guys i just met.

but,

will you be an exception?

-

what? what was i reading? this can't be mine. i, liked jaehyun? i began to turn the pages rapidly and spilling out the contents one by one.

-

dear jaehyun,

why do you find her pretty?

her heart isn't.

is she better than me in any way?

is she smarter than me?

is she cuter than me?

is she kinder than me, in your eyes?

perhaps,

do you like her?

-

what the heck? was i referring to her, lee eunji? seriously, why? did jaehyun like eunji, my own half-sister? no, it can't be. why would jaehyun treat me nicely now? was it for what he had done in the past? pft, unbelievable.

-

dear jaehyun,

it's me.

it's been four months,

and you never acknowledged my presence.

is it because of eunji?

did she tell you all the bad things about me?

i was never a bad girl.

the real bad girl,

is your girlfriend.

-

i dropped my notebook to the floor. it was my diary. i looked at it helplessly. was i really a loner? was i really desperate for jaehyun? i really didn't know. was it possible that father knew of him? tsk, can't be. they first met at the hospital almost three months ago. father wouldn't have done this to me.

"jiwoo! i found the -" his mouth was shut after he saw the same notebook on the ground.

"go on," i said, maintaining my gaze at him.

"did you read that?" father asked, pointing at the book on the floor.

"you knew it all along?" i asked, somewhat taken aback.

"jiwoo... let me.. look i can explain -"

"explain what? that you knew jung jaehyun? just that you didn't acknowledge it and you hid it from me?!" i said, tears trickling down my eyes.

"appa, he was eunji's boyfriend. i'm sure you knew that back then. you probably knew that i liked him in the past too. appa, jung jaehyun broke me so much, you know that right? now, you're pretending that you don't know him, and what he did in the past. why?"

"jiwoo, i -"

"you lied! YOU LIED TO ME! you said you'll help me gain my memories.. why were you hiding it from me all these while?" i shouted at father, crouching on the floor and letting my emotions out. i just couldn't feel anything anymore.

i stood up and grabbed my bag swiftly. i dashed to my closet and grabbed my hoodie. i took my phone and picked up the notebook on the floor.

"jiwoo, where are you going?" father asked with guilt.

"i'm going to meet jaehyun. i need to hear what he says about this," i responded angrily while flashing the notebook.

my eyes were bloodshot red. yet, i inhaled and left the house. father didn't stop me, surprisingly. i left the house to seek for the truth that was beneath all the malicious lies that people told me. how could they? they were willing to help, right? they can't be doing this to me.