Secrets and Memories

Chapter 9

This chap contains angst and self hate. Just be wary or ask for a short summary if you don't wanna read it.

I was very intrigued by the topic of being summoned but I didn't know exactly why. Maybe it was the curiosity? Or maybe it was the thoughts of another land far away from here. Either way, I wanted to know more.

But I had no idea where to get the answers.

"Eraeya, you okay? You're looking a little pale." I shake my head to clear it before giving Himari a smile.

"Yep. Fine. Just got lost again." She knew what I meant and smiled back. We'd spent much more time together and she knew more about me now. It was weird having someone this close.

"Those cogs inside your brain must be getting a huge workout. That's probably why you're so smart. If you'd only try more, you could've been an Epsilon chemist." I bark a laugh and shake my head.

"No, there is no way I could be in Epsilon chemistry. All those smart people and me in a room? You've got to be joking." She gave me a serious face but burst into laughter after trying to hold it for 10 seconds. I roll my eyes but laugh along.

"Could everyone please make sure to attend dinner a few minutes early as the teachers and I have an announcement to make. Thank you." I look over at the teaching staff. None of them look angry or upset so I wonder why we're being called for a talk.

"It's happening! This is gonna be a good year." I look at Himari, who's smiling like an idiot, curiously before recalling that she mentioned something interesting was going to happen this year. I pondered her words a little before returning to eating.

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It was after a grueling two more periods before I could properly relax. I'd received a little bit of homework but nothing too much.

I felt like taking a shower before going to dinner and did just that. By the time I got out, Himari was waiting to go into the bathroom.

"Excited for the news?" I nod before falling onto my bed face first. She laughs lightly before closing the door. As soon as I hear the water running, I open an abyss.

I crawl in before shutting it closed. The darkness surrounded me and the wisps circled my body. I relax into the shadows and let my mind clear.

I hated this. I hated the fact that I had to come to Akarnae just to find out about my past. But I didn't know another way and I hated that too. I hated that my brain couldn't come up with another easier way to find answers. I hated everything and everyone.

No, I hated almost everyone. Himari. I could never hate Himari. And I hated that about myself.

I hated my tanned skin against all these pale people. I hated my whole body, my whole self.

I was becoming soft in this place and everything was going crazy.

I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I bring random images to mind that usually calmed me down. Books. Swords. Music. Stars. Blood.

I calm down a little and close my eyes. The first tear slid out before I could stop it. After that, there were just more and more coming. I couldn't stem the flow of the ever flowing fountain.

I tried to bring to memory the last time I'd cried and couldn't remember. It's been that long, so long that the smallest thing had set it off.

Weak. I was weak. Crying at the smallest things. I was a baby. I'd never cried or seen Sena cry while in that dark basement with those creatures. So why was I crying now?

"Eraeya? Where are you?" Himari's voice sounds distant in this darkness. I wipe my eyes quickly before dumping myself outside the dorm room.

I open the door to see Himari with a towel in her hands as she tried to dry her wet hair. She immediately stops what she's doing and walks over to me. Taking me by the hand, she closes the door and makes me sit on the edge of my bed. She sits next to me with just enough room between us to put a pillow.

She continues drying her hair as silence spreads between us.

Her hair was beautiful. Strawberry blonde and full. It was like her, light and gentle, calming in a way.

"What's up?" She says it so casually but I can tell she means more than casually. Her eyes betray her worry and concern. I grit my teeth and turn away.

"Nothing. The sky. The sky is up." I hear a sigh behind me before I'm turned around by the shoulders.

"Stop being a smartass for a few minutes and talk to me. Properly. You've been fine up til now and I know something triggered this." She looks at me so sternly I know this time she isn't joking around.

She stares straight at my eyes, not breaking contact. I glare right back. Amethyst meets yellow in a battle of wills.

I scowl at her but she holds her ground, not backing down. I sigh in irritation.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong, I swear." She doesn't even hesitate before she argues.

"Bull. If there was nothing up, why do your eyes look red and puffy like you've been crying?" I don't say anything and just look away again, breaking the contact.

She sighs again before breaking the growing silence. Again.

"I'm not going to tell anyone. And I suppose if you're going to trust me, I shouldn't push. But I can't help it. I care too much about you to not want to help. I guess that's just my nature. I'd do anything for those I'd love, even if it kills me inside. Seeing you depressed and down like this kills me inside and I just want you to be happy. If you want me to leave you alone, just say. But I'm here if you ever need someone." I'd heard people say things like what Himari said, but hers' sounded... different. More... sincere. More caring, in a different way.

I'd had people say they were there for me before. But every time I'd heard it, there wasn't anything in their tone like Himari's. I found that most people said it because they cared, but their care was different. It wasn't something I could explain in words but it was kind of like a gut feeling mixed in with everything.

But couldn't tell her. If she knew, she'd be brought into my little whirlwind of a hectic life and I didn't want that for her.

In a way, I felt the same as her. I just wanted her to be happy. So keeping everything to myself would make her more happy. Not burdening her would keep her happy.

"Thanks and I know. Same goes for you." I smile at her before grabbing her hair. In one swift movement, her hair was dry and she was able to put the towel down. She chuckled.

"You really should be more careful. If I hadn't known you would do that then you could be in serious trouble." I smirk and get in her face.

"You wish." I let go of her hair before walking out the door to the cafeteria, Himari following close behind.

It pained me to know I had someone I could trust, yet not tell them anything. But I had thoughts that had never seen the light of day, thoughts she couldn't access. I couldn't let her know how dark the thoughts inside my head really were.

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Ooft Eraeya just had an angsty chap XD

FF: If you couldn't tell, Eraeya is in Delta Chem. And like Himari said, if she tried harder she'd probs be in Epsilon. She enjoys blowing stuff up in Chem but can get bored with some lessons which makes her not try.