Deep Asleep

Chapter 16 : Anger

Max almost didn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking of what she felt the day before. Was she in love with Jane? No, it couldn't be that, she barely knew her, you can't fall in love with someone who was half-awake most of the time! She talked to her only for a few days, but nothing more, and Jane barely remembered who she was. And they argued most of the time, Jane was too unstable, it was insane! Max was insane! She couldn't have feelings for someone in her conditions.

But she had so much seductiveness, and her smile -as rare as it was- was the softest and prettiest one. Her sense of humor was enviable, her strength was incredible, and her eyes were expressive. And her reactions were touching, Max could tell it was more than hard for her, that she was struggling, but she wasn't scared to ask for some support, like she did with her for the reeducation.

Damn, she really had feelings for her. But what was she supposed to do? She couldn't go back to her and telling her that she fell in love with her while she was in a coma! It was...scary and creepy, she would terrify her, and she would hide forever after that. No, she wouldn't tell her, it was definitively not the right moment. And it would pass, she knew it.

Anyway, she didn't know yet and wouldn't know by staying in her bed. She got out of it, put some clothes on, and went in her kitchen where her mother was taking her breakfast. Max sat at the table, took a piece of toast and bit it.

- "Mom?"

- "Yes, Maxine?"

The redhead clenched her fists and her jaw when she heard her name, but didn't say anything, she had too many questions to ask.

- "How do you know if you're in love?"

- "Oh, that's a hard question, why do you want to know that?" Susan answered with a light mocking tone.

- "Because, one day I'll fall in love, and I wanna know how it feels."

- "Aw, sweetie, the problem is not to fall in love, you need the other person to love you back, and it will be harder for you than any other."

- "What!? What does that mean!?"

- "With your physique, nobody will look at you, and it's not with your intelligence that you'll be a social success."

Max was dazed by her words. No, she was hurt; this woman never loved her like a mother should have done. It was enough, she wouldn't talk to her ever again. She angrily stood, took her bag and her skateboard, and left the house. She couldn't run away, she had nowhere to go, but she could spend the day outside to evacuate her anger. In fact, she didn't know how to evacuate her anger, skateboarding wasn't enough.

She spent the day walking in the forest, mumbling things against her family and her shitty life. She was so angry that she forgot to eat at lunch.

It was the end of the afternoon, so she went to the hospital. She walked faster than usual, and when she arrived in Jane's room, she threw her bag and her skateboard and angrily sat on the armchair. She realized she didn't even look at Jane when she entered; the brunette was certainly wondering what was happening.

- "You know you're stupid, right!?"

- "Uh...Fuck you!?" Jane frowned.

Max turned her armchair to face Jane.

- "Outside there is a member of your family who loves you, who cares about you, who is ready to do anything for you, who came here when she could, waiting for you to wake up, and now that you're awake, you don't wanna see her because she made a fucking mistake!? You're blaming her for the accident, but she wasn't the drunk man who hit your car!"

- "What the fuck is wrong with you today!?"

- "Nothing, just forget..." Max sighed. "What did you do today?"

- "Nothing."

- "Nothing?"

- "Yeah, nothing! I wasn't in the mood!"

- "No, Jane! You can't do that! You won't walk again if you do nothing!"

- "Who said I wanted to walk again!?"

- "...Okay."

- "Okay!? That's all!?"

- "Yeah, you do what you want."

Jane frowned at Max, not understanding why she was mad at her. Max searched in Jane's bag, took the book about birds, leaned against her armchair, and began to read the book, alone. The brunette didn't like it, she felt rejected and offended by her attitude.

- "Can I see!?" Jane sharply asked.

- "No."

- "What!? Why!?"

- "You're not in the mood."

- "Haha, so funny! Come on! Don't be a bitch! We won't know which bird is my favorite if you don't show me the pictures!"

- "Who said you wanted to know which bird is your favorite?" Max replied.

- "Fuck you! This is my book!"

- "Oh yeah? Come and get it back!"

Jane's anger grew instantly; she hated being talked like that. She began to move her right hand in direction of Max, but she couldn't reach the book. She didn't want her to have her book, it was not hers! She fought the pain and managed to roll on her right side, taking support on her left leg.

- "Jane, stop, you're gonna hurt you," Max told with a worried tone.

But Jane didn't stop. Instead, she kept rolling on her right side, and tried to raise her body with her right arm.

- "Jane, you're gonna fall!"

Jane dropped her right leg on the floor, ignoring the pain of her entire body, and pushed with her right arm to sit. She leaned forward to stand on her feet, but her legs gave away. She tried to catch her bed with her right arm, but her back hit it, making her fall forward. Max opened her arms and caught the brunette before she could fall more.

- "Jane, I'm so sorry, I, I shouldn't...It's my fault..."

The redhead took the button and called for some help. Two nurses arrived and had a terrified expression on their faces when they saw them.

- "What happened!?" one of them asked, grabbing Jane's arm.

- "I, I didn't want that...I'm sorry..."

- "Leave, now!"

Max didn't insist. She took her stuff and left the room. Why did she have to do that!? Why did she provoke her!? It was stupid! Jane didn't do anything to her! And she wasn't in her normal state, she couldn't wait something from her!

She began to walk away, her tears in her eyes and her body shaking. What was wrong with her!? She realized she had feelings for her and all she found to do was to make her fall from her bed! What if she worsened her state of health!? What if Jane finished paralyzed because of her!? Oh no, she hoped she didn't make things worse! It wasn't the goal, she would never forgive herself for this...