A Dream come true

Dan POV

I knew Phil was feeling like utter shit due to his absoloute arsehole of a father and I knew food wouldn't really make his any beter but I was running out of ideas. I couldn't drag him into another field and make him get dunk again because we all know how that went and I defiantly couldn't snap my fingers and make everything okay again. Lion bars were the next best thing right? Ugh, who am I kidding? Myself or Phil? Or both? We both knew the only way to make this okay was to have a discussion with the for (Phil) and the against(John) and figure out what was best. Of course letting Phil be himself was what was best but for a homophobe that was often a hard concept to grasp; especially in the case of your own son.

***
After my some what inspiring talk with Phil I wasn't too sure what to do with myself. He (yet again) refused to move from the couch and I didn't want to make him feel like I was invading his personal space so I attempted to keep my distance but that left with me a lot of time on my hands.

Eventually, I ended up literally pacing around my room just thinking. Just thinking. A spiral of incoherent thoughts coiled around me and trapped me into the epitome of an existential crisis. What even is the point of living? Why is anyone alive? It just doesn't make sense! I've never been a huge believer in God but what I do believe is that we're here for a reason However discovering that reason turns out to be the hardest part. I will forever accept that I was put on this planet to just wallow around in pity like the rest of the planet and lead the same unfulfilled life of: go to school, get a job and work until you die. It will just also baffle me why life is so pointless and no one else really seems to notice. How can I be happy with my life when it has no true meaning? How do I even know what happiness is? Is happiness being content with what we have and never wishing for anything more? Or is it striving to achieve more than what we did the day before and always keep progressing? Who actually knows? Does anyone? Will anyone? What if on that definite moment of the sun exploding and wiping out the human race no one ever knew why we were there in the first place? Nobody ever?

Oh god what have I begun. The cycle has started.

The existential crisis cycle will occur to me approximately every two and a half weeks where I tend to question the purpose of reality itself and realise how totally pointless breathing is. It normal takes about 3 days before I drag myself from the edge of the cliff that leads to the swirling black abyss of self-concept and I will once again spout some nonsense in an attempt to convince myself that my life is important to society and what I do on a daily basis channels what I want to do with my existence. For gods sake, life is too short to wallow in self pity wondering why? when you should be asking why the hell not? What you contribute to the world can leave as small or as big as an influence as you desire but what the impact of that is on you as a person is what matters. Why be remembered for doing something bad when you could do something amazing and benefit someone else from it for a modest amount of credit. You don't need party poppers and balloons to tell you that you did the right thing. You just need a simple thank-you to be aware how much people do actually appreciate the efforts.

Wow okay so I managed to drag myself out of that one quick. So life is not completely pointless Dan, I'm glad you figured that out.... now what?

I decided I should go and check up on Phil and just see how he was handling today. When I peeked my head around the door he was in the same position as before with his legs sprawled out across the couch and a blanket over him and hugged extremely close to him. On further inspection I noticed what was his eyes were fixated on and sighed: The Great British Bake Off. Gosh, he really was a sucker for well decorated cupcakes and European pastries.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked.

He didn't reply, just gestured that I could take a seat anywhere by waving his arm around the room and nodding lightly.

Perching myself in a chair across the room I stared blankly at the TV screen: looking but not really watching. I just felt I couldn't focus on Mary Berry until Phil had decided it was possible for him to move. I hated knowing he was curled in a ball unable to move and surrounded with the thought nobody loves him.

I decided to speak up, "so, how you feeling?"

I tried to keep the conversation light but even I could pick up the concern that was interweaved in my tone.

"Alright, I guess. Tired, hungry but at the same time awake and full. Does that make sense?" He replied.

"No, not really but oh well. Do you want me to get you anything?"

I felt a pang of guilt for treating him like a child needing his hand held and me to be at his bedside at every moment but I mean look at him. Leaving him so alone would kill me a lot more than the being at his beckoned call knowing was okay.

"No I just want you to stay."

"If that's all you want, okay." and I settled back in my chair knowing that I was okay to be here and knowing he wanted me to be was a lot better.

A/N-- ok so this is a weird chapter but I wanted to thread in an existential crisis but I didn't want it to last too long so I just sort of milked it completely. Guess what I did yesterday: made a complete plot plan so I sorted my life out yay. I now know exactly when everything will happen rather than having to spend two hours looking at a blank screen thinking about plot. I know this chapter was odd but just roll with me on this one okay? Thanks byeee