Unreachable Zacharius

40

Chapter 40

I didn't know how to react. Nakatitig ako sa kaniya at ganoon rin naman siya sa akin. Ang kaibahan lang ay paniguradong gulat ang ekspresyon ko habang siya ay namumungay na ang mga mata. He smiled and his eyes lowered on my slightly opened lips. He pulled me closer to him until our foreheads touched. I slowly closed my eyes.

"I've perfected the art of intimidation. I wanted everyone to think that I won't be needing anyone's help. I wanted everyone to think that I can stand alone, that I am strong enough to handle bullshits this life have." He chuckled.

Inilayo niya ang mukha sa akin. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me, weighing my expression.

"Whenever I see fear in their eyes, I feel powerful. It felt so fucking nice to see how my presence affects the people around me. It's addicting... very addicting," he whispered.

Humugot ako ng marahang hininga. I can't believe he's opening up to me. I blinked my eyes up at him. Nakatitig siya sa akin na para bang mawawala ako kapag nalingat siya ng tingin. Parang kinukurot ang puso ko sa lambot ng kaniyang mga mata at sa lungkot na naaaninag ko doon. My heart slammed against my chest like a drum, and I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed.

"But when you entered my fucked up life, Amber, I slowly changed..."

Umawang ang bibig ko. Umusod ako at idinikit ang sarili sa kaniya. I want to hear him out. Wala akong palalampasin kahit isang salitang manggagaling sa kaniya. I want to understand him. I want to feel his pain.

"Baby..." he breathed out, his rough hand loosening its grip on my waists.

"Tell me more," I said softly.

Lalong namungay ang mga mata niya. He looks sleepy, staring at me like that. Lalo kong inilapit ang sarili sa kaniya. Bumuntung-hininga siya at parang nanghihinang yumuko at ibinaong muli ang mukha sa gilid ng aking leeg. He let out a low hum.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole. I know it is not easy but please, forgive me. I'm begging you..." he whispered against my skin, holding me tight, all the while shivers run right through me. 

"I was lying when I said I never wanted to see you again. I've always wanted to see you. I always want a glimpse of your lovely face, baby. Please, stay with me. Don't leave me. I need you, baby. I need you here with me, please." He begged.

I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes. Inalala ko ang mga pagkakataong nasaktan at umiyak ako ng sobra dahil sa kaniya. Inalala ko ang mga pagkakataong pinagtatabuyan niya ako. Malinaw pa sa isipan ko kung paano niya ihayag ang pagkamuhi niya sa akin. Tuwing naaalala ko ang mga iyon, pakiramdam ko hindi totoo ang Zach na nasa harapan ko ngayon.

Dumiin ang pagkakapikit ng mga mata ko nang maramdaman ang paghaplos ng kaniyang daliri sa aking baywang. Nakaramdam ako ng pinong kurot sa dibdib.

"Zach, hindi ako nakikipagbalikan sayo..." I said.

"I know. I deserve it. But I'm asking for another chance. I won't fail you this time. I promise," he begged.

"Why do you need me?" I bravely asked.

"I love you." He answered in a whisper.

Umawang ang bibig ko. Hindi ko inasahan ang bilis ng kaniyang sagot. Mas lalong hindi ko inasan ang sinabi niya. I pushed my head and tried to look at him. That's the second time that he told me that. Tinanggal niya ang pagkakasubsob ng kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg at sinalubong ang tingin ko.