The Fallen Knight

Ben- Ben

A/n I'm sorry. That's all I'll say.

His eyes opened slowly. He had a splitting headache and felt like he'd been run over by a herd of Tusken Raiders. As his eyes adjusted he realized two things almost simultaneously. One that he was in some sort of small supply closet and two he couldn't feel Rey.

Fear shot through him as he nearly tore the door off its track. Where was Rey? The last thing he remembered was her voice before his mind went blank.

"Ben, I am so sorry. I hope you will forgive me but I can't lose you, or anyone. I love you so much."

No.

Ben felt himself begin to panic. Rey had left him. He knew she wanted to protect her family but he never imagined she would sacrifice herself for all of them. He should have been the one who made the sacrifice. After all it was him who had carved a path of destruction across the universe. She was innocent, she didn't deserve to die.

He was slashing his blade through the door to the command room in seconds, almost burning himself in the process as he slipped between the metal as it melted and burned away.

The room was dark. The aurora had changed as well, from a suffocating evil to a cold eerie emptiness. He looked around the room. The screen above the command station was lit up. Ben could see Val, Syrus, and the other in the cells on the detention level.

It wasn't that screen that made his breathing stop. His body was frozen as he stared at the heap on the floor.

It was the same hairstyle, pulled back neatly and twisted tightly into a crown around her head. The robes had been replaced with a simpler set of slacks and a deep green tunic. She was so much smaller than he remembered, so frail and tired looking. The war was written on her face. Her hair once a beautiful chocolate color was now as silver as starlight. It was so obvious to him now that these years fighting this war, his war, had destroyed her. It had destroyed his whole family and he knew he deserved nothing less than to suffer the consequences.

At first he couldn't make his feet move. He kept trying to open his eyes, hoping that if he only woke up he would be back on Ilium with Rey in his arms and this war far away. But this was reality.

"Ben?" He heard her all to familiar voice and he was kneeling at her side in seconds.

"Mom!" He croaked out as she smiled up at him. He felt tears well up in his eyes. "Mom what have I done? I...I'm so sorry."

She didn't answer at first. Her deep brown eyes were staring up at him with so much love that he could feel the hole in his chest rip open further.

"Ben, is it really you?" She lifted her hand to his face, her hands were still as soft and gentle as he remembered.

"Yes mom it's me" he pulled her into his lap. As he did he notice the hole in the center of her chest where a saber had pierced through her.

"Oh Ben it is you."

"It's me mom. I'm so sorry. This never should have happened." His words rushed out and Ben felt his tears brim over. He hadn't cried in years, not since he was a child.

"Oh Ben, so handsome. I am so happy you're back...I..." Leia's voice was slowing and he could feel though the Force that her heart was as well.

"No...mom." He couldn't let her die. He pulled her closer and closed his eyes. His mind raced through memories, many filled with pain, loss and overwhelming anger. He reached past those hoping he wasn't so messed up that his days at the academy were completely forgotten.

Force healing was never something he could master. His mind was never settled enough to do so. Luke had shown him, tried over and over to explain but Ben had always dismissed it in favor of more explosive things like saber battles and telekinesis. Why learn how to heal when one can become the absolute best fighter and never get hit. Ben's adolescent mind has been far from mature enough to realize how even being the best fighter didn't mean healing wasn't necessary. For example when one's mother was dying in their arms.