Broken

Heart

My new elastic band jeans fit nicely over my slightly swollen belly. It's about as big as if I'd eaten a huge meal. I still feel sick almost all the time but when I think about Carl I end up vomiting. Frankly all I want to do is sleep, I take a deep breath.

Mika walks Julia to school and I go to the infirmary. "Morning," Alex says, "Hey," I say as I look at the book on the entry desk. Alex moves beside me, "We've had no one in yet but Daryl said that he needed to talk to you."

"When did he say that?" I ask, "Last night, something happened," Alex says. "Thank you," I say as I unravel my scarf.

I toss it on the back of the chair as I sit in front of the radio. I click the button to talk, "This is Elaine from Alexandria, come in Kingdom relay," I say into the microphone.

"Elaine, it's Ezekiel," he says. "Hey," I say, "I need to talk to Daryl, he said that something happened?" I ask.

The King sighs, "He went out to cool off," the man says, "Cool off? Ezekiel, what happened?" I ask him.

"I don't have the whole story and I don't want to cause problems," the man says. "I could never be mad at you," I say to the man.

He sighs, "He got into an altercation with Carl." It wasn't the answer I wanted. "What kind of altercation?" I question, "It was mostly yelling, a few punches," Ezekiel says.

His voice is so soothing. "What were they fighting about?" I ask as I close my eyes. "You," the man says. "Thank you," I say to Ezekiel, "Be well Elaine," the King says.

"Signing off," I say before I hit the button to shut my end off. I lay my head against the table, there's a knock on the door. He cheated on my with Mazie. He slept with her.

I refuse to cry, I sit back up, "Come in," I say. "Hey I need the up key to the med cabinet," Alex says, "Why what's up?" I ask, "I think Gracie has a minor ear infection," he says.

I stand, "I can check her out," I walk out of the office into the main room. "Hey Gracie," I say as I sit across from her on the seat next to the bed. 

"Hi," she says, "Can you tell me what hurts?" I question. "My ear," she says, "Has she ran a fever?" I ask Aaron, "Yeah, it started the day before yesterday," he says. 

I check her ears and her throat, "She definitely has an ear infection," I say as I get the keys for the medicine cabinet. 

"Just make sure she takes these pills and drinks this tea before going to bed," I tell Aaron as I hand him the things that his daughter needs. "Thank you," he says, "No problem," I say. The man picks up his daughter as he leaves the infirmary. I stay put on the bed.

Everything feels so dark and I feel like I'm going to crumble in on myself. "You seem different," Alex says, "There's just a lot happening," I say. 

"If you ever need to talk, even a check up. I'm here," he says. I smile, "Thanks," I say with a smile. "I'm fine though," I say. 

"I called Dannie in to help out if you want to go home and rest," Alex says. His brown eyes are like mugs of coffee, "I should be here, if I go home I'll just be sad," I say. 

Alex smiles, "If you just want to chill here Dannie and I can do the work," he says. "This growing a body in my body thing is tiring," I say. 

Alex chuckles, "Everything's still good with the pregnancy?"

"Everything is good with the pregnancy," I say, "I haven't felt the baby move yet." 

"If I remember from your classes then it'll be around seventeen weeks right?" Alex asks as he sits with me, "Yeah," I say, "I really can't wait for it," I say. 

My mind flits back to Maggie when she was in labor. When she told Carl and I how it felt when the baby moved. Like a fish on a line she said.

It's been so long since I've seen Maggie or Hershel. 

I excuse myself as I stand and go over to my office. I get into the top drawer of the desk. I grab the leather bound journal from it. The first page is a picture of the outside gates from years ago with the sign for the Alexandrian safe zone. 

The next is of Deanna and Reg at the party. "Who are they?" Alex asks, I look up at him, I didn't even realize he was looking over my shoulder. He doesn't know half of the people in here. 

I place the book open on the desk, "Deanna and Reg, they were the original leaders," I tell him. "Were they in charge when you got here?" Alex asks, "They were, when our group came then Reg was killed and Deanna got bit," I tell him. 

"Who's that?" Alex asks as he points to the next picture, I smile, "Rick and Glenn," I say as I point to the two. I flip the old page to a picture that Judith drew of Shiva the tiger, the on the opposite page is a picture of Judith in Carl's lap. 

Glued into the next page is money, one, two, five, ten, and twenty dollar bills. After that is a map of the old land that we used to use to scavenge. 

A picture of Mika and I, we're smiling with eyes squinted to protect us from the sun. "That's a good one," Alex says, "Thanks," I say. The next is a copy of Maggie's ultrasound of Hershel. "Who's scan is that?" the man asks, "Maggie's," I say, "I kept it," I say. 

The next is the picture that Maggie showed me when she was in labor. the picture of her and Glenn locked at the lips. Jesus and Daryl are on the next page, then a picture of Rosita and Tara with the twins. 

The rest of the pictures are from the wedding then the fair. I pull the letters from Maggie at the end of the book. The last letter she sent is over six months old, the first letter is from three years ago. I stare at the gentle slope of Maggie's cursive writing.

Elaine,

We're safe at the new community, I'm glad we got to see you before we left. Georgie is a little upset that you decided not to come with us. The new community is large and I'm staying while Georgie and the twins go further west, after they regroup here they'll go north. Hershel misses home, so do I. What's Mika reading? How's Carl, the kingdom? Have Nabila and Jerry had their baby yet? Tell me if anything happens. Send Mika and Julia my love. The twins, Gracie, everyone.

Sincerely,

Maggie Rhee.