Broken

To Me

All of the responsibilities are on me now that Carl has been out for a week and Michonne is searching for him.

Daryl has been shifting between helping at the Kingdom and being here. All while still finding time to search for Carl. 

Me, I can hardly stay awake.

I'm so worried about Michonne and Carl being out there, about Mazie digging up my life. I peel off my pajamas as I walk out of the bathroom. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I stop and walk backward so I can look at my body.

I'm covered in freckles from head to toe, always have been. Something is different though, maybe there really is a pregnancy glow.

I let my hands fall to my lower stomach, it feels slightly swollen. I turn to the side to look at my profile.

I'm thin so it's not hard to notice that there is a difference in the size of my belly even the size of my breasts which are swollen as well. I sigh as I pull on a soft cotton tank top.

I pull on a long sleeved shirt. It's too early to be up but I am, the girls don't have to be awake for another hour.

Just thinking about what chores I have to do around the house today makes me tired. 

"Hey," I whisper to Mika as I sit on the edge of her bed. 

"What?" she mutters as she turns on her side away from me.

"Get up I wanna show you something," I say as I lay down next to her.

"Tell me what it is first," she mumbles. 

I smile, "Come on," I say as I shake her shoulder, "Fine," she says, actually opens her eyes.

I walk down the stairs and she follows closely behind. 

We both sit on the bench on the porch, "Seriously, what are we doing up this early?" Mika questions as she leans her head against my shoulder. 

"Just look," I say, pointing to where the sun is just peaking up above the wall. It's almost white while the sky around is bathed in reds and pinks. 

"I wanted to remind you that there are still beautiful things around us. I know that I can't take the pain of losing Alya away but I wanted you to know that there are other things to live for," I tell her. 

Mika looks up at me, "You and Carl were so happy, and I thought that if I could have that, I would be too," Mika whispers. 

"You don't have to be in love to have happiness," I say, "But you had it when you were fifteen," Mika argues. 

I grab her hand, "That's not how the world works."

"I know, I wish it was though," she says

"I wasn't happy because I was in love, I was happy because I was alive, because I had my dad, Carol, and you. Carl is still the love of my life but that doesn't mean that he's the only reason I'm happy." 

Mika smiles as she leans against me, I press a kiss to her forehead.

"I think I'm learning," she says. I hold her close to me as the sun rises and the community wakes up around us. 

Slowly but surely people are up in the fields, doing things, walking around town.

The only thing missing is the pounding of hammers at the blacksmith shed. 

Mika goes upstairs once we're inside. I pack five lunches before folding laundry.

After all that's done I trek up the stairs to wake up the kids.