Broken

Tell

 I layer a black long sleeved shirt under a gray one before I pull on a gray sweater vest. It hides my slightly pooched out belly.

Carl has been distant which I suppose is normal now. He won't talk about what he saw at the border when Michonne found him. But he can stand to be in the same room as me now. So I count that as an improvement.  

"Hey," Carl says from the doorway. I smile when I turn to him, "Hey," I say.

Julia smiles at me from her spot in his arms. 

"What's up?" Carl asks, "Well Julia needs to go to school, Mika already left, Negan needs fed, I need to stop at Emily's. Aaron said that Gracie is sick so I have to check on her, then I need to go to the infirmary because the Kingdom is short on supplies for winter and Dianna has third degree burns so she needs medical care which is why I'm sending Mazie and-. I'm rambling," I say. 

"Just a little," Carl says a he places Julia on the floor, the girl comes my way. "I can take the things and Mazie to the Kingdom," Carl says, "They could use my help there anyway." 

I frown, "It would be better if you stayed here," I say. "Daryl's taking her, he's going to help out there," I say. 

"I can go with her and Daryl make sure they get there okay," he says. I blink to try and take this in.

I nod, "If you really want to go, I can gather the stuff and get Mazie ready," I say. "Thanks," he says as he places a kiss on my cheek. 

I watch him as he leaves the room with a bag that he's had packed. I finally breathe, I can't find the will to stand. 

I sit on the edge of the bed. 

"Momma," Julia says as she climbs up beside me. "Let's get your coat on," I say as I lift her off the bed. 

"You okay?" Rosie asks when I walk into her house with Julia, "Yeah, I'm just- I have a lot on my mind," I say.

I kiss Julia's hair before she runs off to play with the other kids before class. Next on my mental list is go to the infirmary.

Mazie is already there, "Morning," she says with a chipper smile, "Morning," I say back, "You're leaving for the Kingdom in an hour," I tell her. 

"I know," she says, "Carl stopped by about ten minutes ago to tell me," she says. I nod, "I'm already packed," she says. "I'm glad," I say as I get a bag for the needed medical supplies and medicine. 

When Mazie first came here from Oceanside I knew that she had a thing for Carl. It didn't bother me until this moment right now. In that moment that he said he would take her to the Kingdom I felt abandoned here. Left alone to raise our daughter.

He hasn't even left yet, but he's already been gone for months.

"This is what you need, the main concern when you get there is Dianna she has third degree burns," I say as I make a beeline for the door. I leave the infirmary, I need to go for a walk, anything to clear my head. 

Daryl is sitting on the platform on the lake. I walk across the wood, glad that the sound of sloshing water from the wheels blocks out my sniffling. I plop down beside him, "Hey," he says, "Hey," I say back. 

"What's wrong, Monkey," Daryl asks. I lean against his shoulder, "You're gonna be a grandpa, twice over now," I say, "I'm only forty-six," he says with a chuckle. 

"Can you keep an eye on Carl?" I ask, "I will," he says, he wraps his arm around me, "I love you Monkey," Daryl says. 

He presses a kiss to my temple, "If you want to stay at Hilltop you should," I say to him, "Why would I stay?" Daryl asks.