A DARE TO YOU

CHAPTER 14

days passed and everything sorted and doing well. me and Nanon already talked it out and sort everything and says sorry there and then.

now I understand why he avoided me and how his thoughts ate his whole system. I know that thoughts were hard to control when you also think of it. and knowing the reasons of him, I just wished I was with him at those times. 

I sighed as I remember what happened that day. it's tiring yet we tried to fix it even though I've got mad and say anything that was inappropriate. I'm at my apartment, getting ready at the party that Nanon invited me with.

I don't want to come but the feeling of something inside me saying that I should come that's why I'm getting ready.

we made it for weeks. as we talked we gave each others time first to process everything and to breath. then Nanon initiates the talked and asked if we can go back to courting.

to be honest I feel awkward around him, but he helps me remove them by proving his real intentions and keeps on assuring me that everything will be fine that I should be relax. it helps actually. the assurance and nonetheless sorrys of him helps me to forgive and just forget it.

FLASHBACKS

"I'm sorry, Chi." he said as we both fell in a silence as we got home.

I'm sitting at the edge of the sofa while he's sitting in front of me but still has distance.

I look at him and I saw his sincerity. I don't know but it hurts me and belittling me. I feel like the sorry doesn't mean anything of how hurt I am.  I look down trying to avoid his gazes.

explanation is what I need so that I can still trust and forgive.

I sighed before looking at his eyes.

these eyes that keeps me on struck at our first met. the hooded brown eyes that I locked with. I longed it. I look away as I am being teary missing his looks.

"you said you'll explain? explanation is what I need not sorry."

I don't know if I have rights to act like this but Kaownah said yes. Nanon offered to keep an act between us in front of my parents which they believe and cancel the arrangement to respect us and him. but the courting, I don't know if it's also part of  the offer or what. he's my suitor and he needs to prove himself to be answer, right? and if you're not going to continue the courting then, avoiding your acquaintance is quite a dick move.

I'm heard a shuffle and sigh and that's make me look at him. he's now having his head load while fidgeting at his hands.

seeing how nervous he is, all I want to do is hug him and just forget everything.

but it's not my old self anymore. I've been too kind to be treated badly before, what if it happens again? I'll be back at my past situations that I wish won't happen. being stuck at my room and starving myself, afraid to die but joking about dying and can't think of anything else but to feel better everyday when in fact it's getting worst day by day.

I sigh and pinch the armrest of the sofa as my emotional support. I can't cry right now. not that he's now explaining everything.

"I had anxiety. thoughts by thoughts. it was loaded that it gives me headache and pain. the thoughts of me and you being together and breaking up is too much to think. and when I also thought of you not deserving me because you're too precious to be mind. to risky to be able to reach. my inner thoughts keeps eating me every night. thinking that I'm no good for you. that you'll be better with someone new. someone that is more better than me, who deserves you and you deserved."

natigil ito upang tignan ako. I am shocked to see he's crying. iniwasan ko 'tong tignan at nag patuloy ulit ito.

"you deserved everything in the whole world. your happiness and dreams are way more important than mine. knowing how you wanted to feel what you didn't feel before makes me want to keep you and protect you forever. but what if I'm the one who gonna hurt you? the thought of stealing your happiness by my selfish act and dick move, I would blame myself for sure."

"Chi, you're the most beautiful thing— human that ever came into my life and just changed everything about me. you're reachable but so high."

I can't prevent it anymore and then where my tears falls down. this is what he's thinking about me. sobrang expensive at genuine. my heart ache by knowing all of this. it touched my heart. his insecurities made me look like a risky opponent.

his words are pure and genuine. how he say the words gently and purely makes me want to hug him now. hindi pa kami tapos, it's just an explanation without a proper way of sorting out which means, an understanding response.

"I'm sorry." he said and I look at him in the eye. our eyes got locked and he gently ask me to hold my hands which I intertwined.

'Oh, to feel like this. this is giving me butterflies.'

"please forgive me"

nasaktan man ako sa naging actions niya, at least he explained his side which is valid. sometimes we forgot that we're obligated with someone when we're in deep thoughts and it's natural. he's human after all.

lagi lang akong nasa tabi mo dahil ayun ang gusto ko.
iintindihin kapag hindi kaya ng iba, at sasamahan sa anumang problema.

I nodded my head as I initiated a hug.

his hug was warm as summer season. to be embraced at his arms when everything's sorted out is such a best feeling.

END OF FLASHBACK.

I heard a knock so I check myself again before pulling my things and welcome Nanon by hugging him.

he pulled away and smile at me while checking me. "you look nice babe" pag-puri nito. niyakap ko ulit ito bago kami nalabas.

"you look great too. handsome even."