Beautifully Flawed

"shut up"

"O-one.......two......t-three" i stutter in between heavy breaths, trying to calm my heart that's currently beating frantically.

If you haven't realized it yet, i just had another nightmare, i woke up startled beyond belief and immediately delved into a panic attack.

My mind is hazy from the feeling of my throat constricting and my chest tightening, suffocating me.

I struggle to sit up, trying to gather my thoughts. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

Focus on your breathing.

One.
Two.
Three.

In and out.

" one....two..three" i try again, taking deep breaths to ease the tension in my chest.

It was just a dream.

You're fine.

I count one to ten over and over again. I only stop when my breathing is only slightly laboured.

I climb out of bed and move towards the door but stumble, my wobbly legs almost giving way under me.

I grab onto the edge of my night stand as support.

That's when i spot the note; i pick it up with shaky fingers and flip it open.

'A little something to keep the demons away, if you need someone to cuddle with you know where to find me' ~Shawn

I read the note again and again, absorbing the feeling of comfort that i seem to get from such a little note.

With a sigh, i place the note on my nightstand and carefully head downstairs.

I look at the clock on the kitchen wall.

3am.

It's three in the fucking morning.

There's no doubt in my mind, today's going to be a big bowl of shit.

After my second cup of camomile tea, i head upstairs and start trying to study.

There's really no point in trying to sleep, it won't work.

***************
I park my bike and head into school, fully aware that I'm an hour early for school.

There's really only one word to describe how I'm feeling right now.

Exhausted.

As i walk into school,the hallways are almost empty. I trudge to my locker, with my helmet in my hand.

Fifteen minutes later; I've succeeded in cleaning and rearranging my locker. The books i need for the periods before lunch are safely tucked in my bag.

" hey" a familiar voice says and i jump in surprise.

Turning to the source of the voice i come face to face with Shawn.

" Hi" i say, my voice still slightly hoarse.

His eyes narrow, scrutinizing my face.

" Rhea, are you okay?" He asks, taking a step closer.

Forcing a smile onto my face.

" yeah, I'm good" i say.
The last thing i want right now is to make him...or anyone worry about me.

He stares at me for a moment longer, obviously seeing through my lie.

"Look Shawn, I'm fine, you have nothing to worry about" i say to reassure him.