Our Little Secret

42-Worth It

*leahs pov*

This time is real, there's no going back. It had to end, and it did. It's a month later, and me and Jen haven't even seen eachother. Angelo came back with Sofia awhile ago. We're slowly making things better. We try to talk about it, but it's rare that we don't end up arguing.

If anything, we try to avoid the subject, even though it's kinda hard since I cheated on him. But like I've said before, he loves me a lot, enough for him to not give up on us, which means a lot.

I feel terrible for everything thing that's happened. But I feel even more bad because my feelings for Jen are still there. 

I hate to say Jennifer was right, but because of everything, we're planning on moving.

Sofia still doesn't know anything and I honestly want to keep it that way. She would be so confused, and she's already upset that we're moving, but she thinks it's just to be closer to family.

I really want to talk to Jennifer. That obviously wouldn't be the best idea, but I've decided that I do want to see her one last time before we move. That is if she would want to talk to me. 

I'm sitting in my office at my desk right now, just finishing up some work. This morning when I came to work, I realized that Jennifer want in her office, for the 3rd time this week. I didn't know if she was still upset, or just busy in her own world.

-

Once it was time to go, I decided to stop and talk to the Lisa, the front desk manager. "Hey, have you heard from Jennifer?" I ask her.

"Oh yeah, she called in earlier this week and said she was really sick. But I also now that she turned in her 2 week notice." She says. "Wait. What? She's on leave??" I ask and put my hands on the desk. "Yes, last time I heard from her at least." She says and continues on the computer.

"She's..quitting..?" I say mainly to myself. But Lisa nods her head. I leave and head home trying not to think about it much. Maybe she found a better job, or she wants to be a stay at home mom. I just don't want it to be because of me.

I really need to keep her off my mind, at least I'm trying to. But it's pretty hard after everything.

I get home eventually to Angelo making dinner. "Hi." I say and shut the door. "Hey, welcome home, Sofia's upstairs." He says and keeps his eyes on what he's doing.

"Ok, I'll go check on her." I say and head upstairs. I check up on her then I go back downstairs and sit on the couch. "So I looked into some houses today." Angelo says from kitchen. "Really, in what part?" I ask and keep my eyes at the tv. " San Diego." He says. "Did you like any of them?" I ask. "Yeah, it's beautiful there." He says.

Eventually I feel him put his hands on my shoulders from behind and lean down. "I think this will be good for us." He says softly. I look at him, smile and nod.

I hope he's right.

*jens pov*

I haven't gone to work in 3 days, I've been calling in sick just so I don't have to dread going to work. Since the real reason is because of...Well...you know who.

I decided I'm going to quit my job too. I know Leah might be moving, but even if she does, work would remind me of her too much. I also just can't stand being around there with Holly, Mr.Smith and Jade. It's just too much.

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I feel so broken, and devastated. All I want to do is cry and cry. I'm also mad, at myself and her, just for not trying.

I feel so sensitive about the subject overall, when I think about her I just want to cry. But, I feel so numb at the same time, like nothing matters anymore. Like my story should be over by now, yet I'm still here.

It's so hard to even motivate myself to do things. And I still have to put up with Alex and his bullshit, and the poor kids. All they can do is just see me this way and feel bad. I really need to get everything back on track with my life.

I need to get up out of bed, take a shower for the first time in forever. Eat some food and drink some water. And most of all I need to be a mother to my children. They need me and I need them. Alex isn't the best father, so I definitely need to stop being selfish and just suck it up.

I wish it was that easy. But it's not. I can think it all over in my head, but when it actually comes to doing it, I just can't. I barely even want to open my eyes, unless I'm waking up and this is all just a dream.

But it's real, I've pinched myself many times to check, and I'm still in the same situation.

I just keep thinking about how we could've worked out. I mean, I would leave Alex in a heart beat to be with her. Emme and Max would be ok too. But it's different with Leah, her life is different. She has things worth fighting for.

I don't blame her, actually I do since I'm pissed. But, she was right about everything. About how we have husbands and how we're risking so much. She was right, maybe I should've listened. But I don't think I regret it. I'm glad we had our short amount of time, I got to have her as my own, so obviously I think it was worth it.