Where are you going?

Chapter 16

Julia's POV

He looked worried and tired, but he also seemed to have got a lot of stuff for us. I could see the sleeping bags and the air mattresses he was carrying while trying to get inside. His eyes went straight to mine after checking me out. "I'm fine, thank you.". He smiled at my saying and I went over to him, to help him with all the stuff and carried It further back in the room and left it there to look at Colby. He was very quiet while setting it all in place and unpacking the air mattresses. He wasn't saying a single word and I saw how his hands were shaking and not available to grab the plug. His back was sweaty and so was his face, and his shoulders were still tense. "Colby.". I put my hand on one of his shoulder, but he yanked it away immediately and looked at me. He couldn't look me in the eyes after that, but I didn't give up. I noticed his darkness around his eyes and how pale he looked in the light he had set up. The flashlights lit up the room now but it was still darker than a couple of hours ago. "I can take care of that, you take a shower maybe?". "No. I'm fine.". He completely ignored my presence and was acting cold to me while he was filling the mattresses with his air. "Colby, what happened?". I sat down in front of him, trying to get his attention and putting my hand on his shoulder again. But this time I don't think I should have. "JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, JULIA. STOP FUCKING TAKING CARE OF ME, I'M SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT!". he was yelling at me now when he turned around and throwing the mattresses away and kicking at pillows. "I'm so fucking tired of this. Just... just... arrhh.". he had put his hands on the edge of the kitchen table, while stretching his arms and looking on the floor. His entire body looked so used and I felt sorry for him, but my temper was also growing from what he just had said. "well, I'm sorry Colby for making sure you're fine. And yeah, this is bullshit. This is fucking bullshit we are in, but that doesn't mean you get to decide what I got to do, not do, say or not say! and what the fuck have I done to you in all of this?". I said back, calmer than him.

"Nothing, alright. It just feels like the more I try to survive the more people I have to fucking shoot, the more blood is on my hands, and the more I just wanna give up, Julia. Like what the fuck has happened to this city? People are lying dead in the streets and I'm in here, pretending to just survive and find Sam, as if everything wills sort itself out when that happens!"

I was talking slowly and calm when approaching him now. "I'm sorry Colby.". I saw his eyes close and his harsh breathing filling the cold air. He was still shaking and he had pearls of sweat all over his face and neck. I could see the tattoo on the back of his neck clearer than ever, and I almost wanted to touch it. He was still leaning his upper body against the kitchen counter while looking down. I slowly grazed my fingers along his hand tattoo in front of me while leaning in on the kitchen counter. His skin was very warm, compared to mine and his breathing was still harsh while his eyes were closed. His body froze when I touched his hand and didn't show any affection for a while. It was quiet know, and the flashlights hanging from the staircase only lit up half of the kitchen. I rested my hand on his before speaking again. "It's gonna be fine.". in one sudden movement his head was darted at mine and his ocean eyes were looking straight towards my own brown ones. "How? How is this fine? I'm killing sick people.". "No, you're not. That's not people. That's something sick and twisted and deadly that we don't know much about. Don't blame any of this on yourself." He looked like he was about to cry when he moved his other hand away from under my own and moving his against my skin on my forearm. His touch warmed the skin his fingers left and kept on going until he engulfed me in a full-on hug. His arms were holding on to me while he was leaning against me. His head was laying in my neck and I felt his breathing. I had my arms around his neck and my hands in his hair while supporting him. His strong body was heavy and I felt him slowly, almost carrying me while holding on to me. I smelled him now, and I could sense his breathing got slower. It felt good and was a long hug before he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say all that about you.". I looked up at him while resting my arms on his shoulder, and I noticed how taller he was than me and how broad his shoulders were now. His piercing eyes never left mine while he spoke and I let him, cause I couldn't stop looking into his. It was a whole sea to explore in there and they matched with his hair. His hands were holding on to my waist, and I was leaning against the counter now. "It's fine. I know you didn't mean it.". I was still kinda mad at him for just yelling at me like that, but I knew it wasn't my fault, and whatever happened out there must had been the thing to trigger him. His body felt so warm and I stood in his engulfment for long and rested my head against his warm chest. I heard his way of breathing, I smelled him, I heard him explaining it to me, I heard his heartbeat. "I had to shoot, Julia. I had to. But I didn't want to.". "I know. But if you didn't shoot, what would've happened to you and i?". "I know.". "I think you should take a shower, and I'll make some food for us. How does that sound?". "Good. That sounds good. But do I really smell that bad?". I chuckled against his chest and felt him do the same before we both leaned back. "Yeah. You stink.". I smiled back at him before leaning away. "Fuck you.". He then grabbed a towel and some of the clothes he found in target, but I guess it was better than no clothes.