Memory Jar

Chapter 3

"You saw it too?", Arthur asked, sitting up straighter on the branch he was sitting on.
Merlin bit his lip. Arthur could empathize. These flashbacks were worse than a migraine. Well maybe not worse. But somewhere in that area.

Merlin shook his head but not in a way that meant he didn't think so. More in a manner of 'my head hurts, give me a minute.'
"I think it was the day Uther died.", he said. Arthur blinked. That – was certainly not the same memory. Arthur's memory seemed older. Not a year old. Maybe four. At least it felt like four.

"A year ago. Uther on his throne. The new king was keeping me hostage. He was speaking of revenge. He said he hates you. He wants you to suffer. To loose your loved ones. To loose – me."
Merlin's eyes shot up and met Arthur's. There was a question there. One that Arthur had no answer for.
"He told you to drink it. Or else he would force me to do it. We thought it was poison. But that didn't keep you from trying to drink it. So I did instead. It wasn't poison."

Arthur gaped a little. "What was it?"
"I don't know. But why would my king hate you?"

"Why would your king hold you hostage?"

"Because I was important to you.", Merlin offered.

"Why were you important to me?", Arthur asked, but Merlin shrugged uncertainly. So Arthur continued with another question.
"Why would he want to kill me?",

"I – I don't know.", Merlin said slowly. "The memory doesn't say."

There was a silence between them. Leon watched them curiously. But also in worry.
"Does that mean, we have to kill him, then?", Leon asked and pointed at Arthur.
Arthur flinched. Right. That thought hadn't quite come to him yet. When the new king wanted Arthur to suffer, surely they would have to hurt him now.
They would – wouldn't they?

Merlin shook his head. "We don't have the orders. And as long as we don't report, we won't get any."
Leon nodded. "Good. I wouldn't want any more innocent people to suffer anyway."

Arthur blinked and glanced between them. "You – you don't?"

Merlin smiled, as he still held his head. Then again – what sane person wanted anyone to suffer. Arthur really shouldn't be as surprised as he was. Then again – they were knights. That is what they seemed to want all the time.

Leon sighed. "The problem is – neither of us is happy with the new king. Nobody really is. Though, I have to admit, he's still a better king than Uther was. But that's not a fair comparison.
We are searching for Arthur Pendragon. To kill him of course. But erm – not seriously. We need to find him, to also protect him. And maybe make him king. Depending on what kind of person he is.
But that is also a bit complicated, because, to find him would be dangerous. Since Merlin can't – er -", he trailed of. That didn't make sense.
Merlin had just said he didn't want to hurt Arthur Pendragon. If he wanted to defy the king – what does it mean – he couldn't -?

Merlin sighed, as he noticed Arthur's obvious confusion.
"When we meet him, I will kill him. Whether I want to or not."

Arthur frowned. "I don't understand."

"It is an order from my king. I cannot refuse an order from my king!", Merlin explained, as though that explained anything.

"If you want to defy him, why don't you?"

"Because I can't!"

"Why can't you? Just because he's your king? If he was such a good king, surely he wouldn't order you to kill people!"

"You don't understand! He - I am physically unable to defy him. It's just not possible. An order from him has to be obeyed. At least for me. I've learned that lesson before.
He ordered me to kill Uther Pendragon. And I did. And I couldn't -", Merlin's voice fell flat.