Memory Jar

Chapter 16

A.N.:// I am a horrible person. I have zero regrets


----------------------------------

Arthur felt so stupid. There they were, standing by the walls that surrounded Camelot and were supposed to protect the citadel from invadors.
And they stood there, knowing that Morgana's magic was running low and most of his men were still weakened by the headaches that still lingered on their minds with the new old memories. Memories of Arthur.

Others were dead. They had been killed on Agravaine's rampage through the lower town.

Arthur felt sick. How was he ever to explain to his people that the man who killed all their friends and relatives had been under a spell? How was he supposed to explain that Merlin had no choice in any of this? And that Arthur still wanted to keep magic legal?
How could he tell them that if Arthur hadn't left Camelot, all the deaths of the previous three years could have been prevented? (And that he would sacrifice even more for Merlin's sake, if he so must.
How could he tell them that Arthur had married the man who murdered them all?

Arthur couldn't help but excuse the deaths Merlin had caused. But that was because he loved him. Because he knew Merlin's version of the entire story and all the pain he had to go through because of it. Could Camelot be just as forgiving as Arthur was?
Could Camelot allow itself to be merciful?
Arthur knew he was biased. He couldn't find an objective solution that didn't involve killing Merlin.

And now they stood here, waiting for the gates to be pried open by the enemy lines who you could hear roaring and shouting from the other side of the wall.

All while their best chance – namely the man who had caused all the misery of the past few years – was lying unconscious in Arthur's chambers. Merlin couldn't even make up for his mistakes.
JUST because Arthur had been so mad with Agravaine that he couldn't wait with the trial. He hadn't expected the spell on Merlin to be so captivating. To have such aggravating side effects.
He wished he would have known.

He had been a fool. In any kind of fairy tail, Arthur's action would have been the smarter move.
The one the main protagonist only avoided because he was the nice one. Because he couldn't be morally ambiguous. He wouldn't kill his enemy, because it would taint his innocence.

But Arthur was not innocent.
Arthur was not a figure in a fairy tail. He wasn't written to make perfectly correct choices. He was written to struggle with every decision he's ever made. With the good sides and the bad sides. With the assumed easy choices that didn't lead to despair – but to the delay of complete disaster.
With the choices that weren't his own, that had caused misery for everyone he loved.
And he was written for his own logic to fail.

To the point where he couldn't recall, if he was ever the good or the bad guy.
Or if it was just his existence that should have never come to pass.
Sometimes the choices that seem wrong are the better ones.
Sometimes the right choice is the one that gets you killed.
At this point Arthur didn't even care which choice would do what. They were doomed, no matter what he chose. The question was, should he choose love or his people and since when were those two separate things?

It was Morgana who made him see sense.
"Arthur – you have to go back to Merlin.", she said quietly, as the doors busted from the force of the foreign army of Mercia.

"I can't leave Camelot alone.", Arthur argued weakly. Even though he wanted to stay at her side, help her fight the armies...
Even though he wanted to support his knights and comrades that he had abandoned for the past three years, he longed to stand by Merlin.

"Merlin is the most powerful sorcerer who ever walked the earth! And he fights for you, Arthur!
Not to mention you are the KING now, Arthur!
There is no Camelot without either of you!"