To All The Boys I Liked Before

TATBILB: Mr. Bad Boy

Do you in your life like a bad boy?

I was in 7th grade. It was the first day of school, and you knew what would happen; it was getting to know each other. I was shocked when you introduced yourself because it's been so long since I last saw you. He is my classmate in kindergarten, my childhood friend, and my classmate now. His name is Leam. I thought he didn't recognize me, but I was wrong because he did recognize me. He asked me if I remembered our classmates in kindergarten. His mom and my aunt are good friends.

As time goes by, I know his real attitude. He is tall, handsome, and has a bad boy image. He always teases me and makes me cry, but even though he is like that, he has a good side. He also cuts classes. I developed to like him with all his doings and attitude towards me. I wondered, asking myself, "Why do I like him when all he's done to me is tease and make me cry, and he's not even a sweet guy?" That may be the reason. Some girls like a guy or will develop a feeling for a guy who always teases them. Funny right? It's like you are in a drama when you like a bad boy who always teases you.

I always glance at him, and I want to have his attention. We always play in the field and sometimes walk home together because we go on the same path. We are like cats and dogs daily, but we get along well. One day, I was taken aback because he wanted me to take care of his PS4 for a while. Why me? He has his friends. Oh well, I'm happy though. I was also shocked when he wanted to be part of our MTAP classes. It's shocking because he joined for the first time. I'm glad because maybe he wants to learn math in advance.

Fast forward to when I was in my 8th grade. Leam and I aren't classmates anymore. When I went to my room, I greeted my classmates. When I got out and met my classmates in 7th grade, Leam was outside his room, and he saw me. I wanted to greet him but couldn't because I felt awkward. I heard that he is the Prince Charming in his class, no doubt about it. When my best friend and I were walking home, I saw him with our classmate in 7th grade. He called us, and we walked together. He was silent throughout. That awkward silence turned to avoiding him.

His attitude changed; he was worse than before. I texted him and asked why he was acting like that. He replied that he wanted to transfer because some of his friends were there. I also wanted to transfer to another section. He replied that we must transfer, but I replied that I didn't want it because I changed my mind. Maybe he wants me to be his classmate. That day on, he seemed distant. Perhaps he is mad at me because of that.

We always bumped into each other but didn't interact because I would avoid him. Our friendship is over, but I don't want that to happen. One day, we texted each other. I was taken aback when he asked, "Who is your crush?" I replied, "You will know, but not now." I want him to know that he is the one I like. I wanted to confess to him, but I was shy because there were many what-ifs in my mind.

It did not go well with him and me. We would see each other on the school campus but are like strangers. It's like an avoiding game. I wonder why it became like this. The worst thing is he failed 8th grade and would repeat another year. He smokes, drinks, and always hangs out with guys who are a bad influence. I know them all because I always saw him with them. I want to dislike him, but whenever I see him, my feelings will return. I'm trying so hard, but I always fail. When I think about him, I would cry.

They say when you like someone, it just takes a while. I have liked him for five years. I don't know. Is it just a liking or something called love? I don't even know anymore and don't want to confirm.

When I was in 11th grade, I heard there was a moving-up ceremony at my previous school in junior high held in my school in Senior High. Come to think of it, I know he is there. I know it because he repeated a year. I was right because I saw him sitting in the corner. My classmate and I went down to buy a snack. When we got down, I saw him sitting and chatting with his friends at the canteen. He glanced at my side and was shocked to see me. I know by the look in his eyes.

When I was in my 1st year in college, I had the nerve to chat with him. I'm happy because he replied. We talked about ourselves in messenger, and he praised me because I'm studying at an excellent school.

I'm tired, and I was walking and heading home. When I glanced at my side, I saw him. I wonder if he saw me. His face has matured; he has a beard and has long hair. I heard that he has a girlfriend. I hope he is the one who can change him. I want to be that person, but I know it's not me.

Now, I realized that I loved him. He is my first love. I denied it at first, but now I know my true feelings for him. I sometimes dream about him. One time, I dreamt about kissing him, and it felt real. It's like I kiss him in reality because I can feel our lips touching. They say when you dream about a person, you miss them. It's true. I miss him.

Now, in the present time, I sometimes mumble his name out of the blue, and I don't know why. Sometimes I think about him.

First love never dies, but it's all in the past. I cannot return the time even though I want to return. I want to wish him good luck.