To All The Boys I Liked Before

TATBILB: Mr. Straightforward

Did you get a confession saying you are his ultimate crush? He courted you because you said yes. You said yes because you wanted to see if it would work. But one day, you realize it would not work because you have second thoughts and feel indecisive. You feel sorry for him. You feel like you made a mistake saying yes and want to be honest with him.

I got a confession to this guy saying that I am his ultimate crush. I get flustered because he is straightforward, and to tell the truth, I like those kinds of guys because they say what's in their minds without hesitation. He also said to court me, and I said yes because I want to try, maybe it will work.

His name is Rowland, and he is a friend/ classmate of my best friend, Walter. If I would describe him, he is tall, intelligent, shy type, negative about himself, and straightforward. I like him a little. I remember bumping into him in our first encounter, and my shoulder hurt that time.

We would message every day. When I woke up and opened my messenger, he would message me good morning and ask if I had eaten and what I was doing. He calls me CB, short for Cherry Blossom, because I love that flower. I also told him I wanted to go to Japan someday, and he promised to take me there someday. He is so sweet and kind. He is also a gentleman.

Sometimes, I would go to his classroom, and we would talk about random topics. He would sometimes pinch my cheeks because he said that I was cute.

My best friend sensed something between us, but we denied that it was not like that.

Fast forward, and it's summer break already. I overthink, and I felt indecisive. I have these second thoughts and regrets about whether I will reject Rowland. I felt guilty because he is such a kind guy, and I will reject him. I admit that I like him but as friends and nothing more. I felt nervous chatting with him about my decision but took the courage to message him. I told him in chat that I was not the girl for him and he was better off with another girl. I'm happy because he understands me and accepts that I can't love him. I felt guilty, but it was for the best. It's not even the first time I rejected a guy, but I felt tense. He may be important. I rejected him. I'm not ready to be in a relationship because I'm scared to commit.

When the summer break is over and school is back. I saw him. I felt awkward, but we remained good friends after the rejection. Even if I rejected him, he still cares because he is my friend.

After a year or two, I was in college. We have different schools already. We haven't communicated after graduating. I heard he had a girlfriend already and I was glad because he already found the one for him.

You know that feeling when you say yes and want to change your mind. That's my problem. Today, I want to say yes, and tomorrow, I want to say no. Do you get it? Are you also like that, having second thoughts?

I felt sorry for Rowland. His feelings for me are real, but I ruined it. He loves me, but I admit that I like him a little romantically. It's not hard to fall in love with him. He has many good qualities, but I am still not ready yet. I know that I'm not for him. Now that he has found the one for him, I hope he will treasure her just like he did to me.