Wake Me Up (Nightmare Series 1)

Ika-tatlumpu't apat

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I woke up in an unfamiliar room. Unfamiliar, it means it's not the hospital. I felt relieved. Sinubukan kong umupo at luminga-linga. The room is plain. Kama, bed side table at maliit na veranda. Kita sa labas na madilim na. Mukhang ilang oras na akong tulog.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Napapaisip din ako na tuwing nahihimatay lang ako nakakatulog ng matagal. Nakakatawa. I pity myself.

"You're awake." Napatingin ako kay Lemiel na nakapasok na pala nang hindi ko man lang namalayan.

Lumapit ito saakin pero hindi ganoon kalapit.

"Kamusta na pakiramdam mo?" He pulled a chair and sat near the bed.

"Better. Salamat." Nakayuko lang ako.

"I called your Tita's condo to inform them na nandito ka."

All this time alam niya pala kung saan ako nags-stay. What do I expect? He's a Geverola.

We stayed quiet for a good minute. I don't know if I should tell him what really happened or maybe he knew already. He's a doctor after all.

"You're afraid of water." It's a statement. I remained silent. Umuga ang kama noong umupo siya. Hindi siya nakuntento sa lapit namin kaya mas umusog pa siya, iniangat niya ang kaliwang paa. Now our knees are touching.

I waited for him to talk but he remained quiet. I can feel his intent gaze on me. It's like he pities me. Eto nga ang ayaw ko. Na kaawaan niya ako. Kaya hindi niya nagagawa ang mga gusto niya dahil saakin. Naaawa siya saakin.

"I'm sorry..." Plus this one. I hate it when people always feel sorry for me. Nakakaawa ba talaga akong tingnan? I tried! I tried to fight it. I tried to be brave. Was it not enough?

"Don't," I shut my eyes, trying to stop my fucking tears. Non-stop fucking tears. Walang pahinga itong mga luhang 'to. Pagod na ako pero mukhang  hinding-hindi sila mapapagod.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, na nagpasabog sa nararamdaman ko.

"Damn it! What are you sorry for? May kasalanan ka ba? Ha? Stop it! Nakakasawa na makarinig ng sorry niyong lahat! Oo na! Ako na ang takot! At kasalanan ko iyon. So please... stop being sorry for me." I shouted to his face. Ngayon ko lang nakita na namumula narin ang mata niya. And it tripled my pain.

"Please? Stop." Mas mahinahon kong sabi. Nawalan na ata ako ng lakas. Sobrang nakakapagod na.

Fighting a battle unarmed was definitely tough.

Fighting a battle alone was suicide.

But still I keep on trying. I don't want to give up. I can't give up.

He didn't talk back, instead he sweeps me into a warm hug. I feel lighter. I felt the weight on my chest lifted, a bit. At least.

He slowly brushed his fingers on my hair. And again, I cried more.

"I always wanted to comfort you like this, but it seems like you're not comforted by me." I let him speak. I want to hear it. Kahit ngayon lang. "It fucking hurts when I saw you comforted by... other man."

Is he talking about Mikee? Yeah, that day I saw how pain occupied his eyes.

"But still, I'm glad that you have someone you're comfortable with, someone you can lean on... kahit hindi ako."

And after he said that, I cried even harder. Mas ibinaon ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya para pigilan ang ingay na gawa ng pag-iyak ko.

"Kahit ganun, I won't ever leave you. I'm always at your back." He tightened his hug.