Conversations Between Moon And The Sunshine Kid (Mighty Boosh One-shot Book)

Evil Mermaids that want to eat Howard Moon.

Synopsis: It's mermay, and I thought I'd have to write a mermaid-themed fic. Vince is technically a siren but siren may doesn't have the same ring to it. It's also very late right now so this probably is gonna make very little sense. But you chose to read it, and that's on you hun. Also, Vince technically doesn't have a gender cause he's a fish innit. There are differences between male and female fish but I can't be arsed to explain fish sex so just stan gender-neutral Vince instead.

Howard was lulled from his sleep slowly by a faint sound.

When you wake up to noise you usually don't notice the sound at first. This was not the case.

Howard felt like he was being pulled from one dream to another. His vision was slightly blurred and the sound cut through the air, muting his surroundings.

Howard must have been the only one to hear because his wife remained unmoving and silent.

Howard needed to get closer to the sound, to see where it was coming from.

The sound was all that existed at that moment.

Howard got up quietly and crept out of bed, not to wake up his wife. He went down the stairs and out the house, barefoot and in his pyjamas.

Howard lived on the shores of Devon, right on the Jurassic Coast. One of the best things about this was that he had a view of the sea.

He followed the sound down to the beach, and walked over the pebbles, cursing quietly every now and then when he stood on something sharp.

The sound was getting closer, and Howard recognised it now, someone was singing.

Who sings at three in the morning?

The sound got louder, seemingly coming from a cave

Howard followed the sound into the cage.

When he saw them, he let out a shocked gasp.

The creature in front of him must have been some sort of mermaid. They had the form of a human, but their legs were replaced by a sleek tail. Their scales were blue but reflected all sorts of purples, oranges and greens, similar to a rainbow fish.

They wore strings of pearls around their neck, wrists and waist. They also had covered their chest with a piece of multicoloured fabric, wrapping it around their torso but deliberately missing some of the space on their back to expose a dorsal fin that protruded from their back.

The fin itself wasn't grey and smooth like a shark, but thinner and multicoloured, like a tropical fish. They had a matching fin further along their tail and was sat trying not to crush it.

They were looking into the water that had formed a pond in the cave-like a mirror. They were fixing their hair, using a venus comb shell as a hairbrush, backcombing their long, dark hair.

They let out a soft gasp in response to Howard's louder one. They dropped the shell and looked up at the human, crystal eyes wide with shock.

Howard panicked, stepping back "Don't kill me, I've got-"

"How did you get here?" The creature asked, hesitant.

"I followed your voice, are you one of those evil mermaids that lure people with their singing?"

"You shouldn't have heard that..." They mumbled, "I wasn't seeking people."

"What?" Howard asked, getting even more nervous

"Oh, erm, yes. Technically, I'm a siren, but I don't eat people, I'm on a diet" they answered plainly, picking up their shell again and going back to what they were doing.